Be constructive in helping stuck son leave nest

Advertisement

Advertise with us

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: One of my sons has been living at home since failing to graduate high school. He has worked for me at my business and elsewhere for six years now, and is currently bartending a few nights a week.

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/04/2024 (912 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: One of my sons has been living at home since failing to graduate high school. He has worked for me at my business and elsewhere for six years now, and is currently bartending a few nights a week.

My wife and I have asked him to move out, but he has a fear of being homeless and is reluctant to leave.

I don’t think him living under our roof any longer is good for any of us. He likes to play video games all night and sleep all day. I can’t seem to convince him that this is unsustainable behaviour, that the rest of the world works 40 hours a week or more.

He just seems to think the world is unfair to expect more of him, and I can’t convince him the world owes him nothing.

I want him to grow up and “leave the nest,” so to speak, to be independent and have a life for himself, but I can’t motivate him to be better or to want more for himself. I’m at a loss.

He has a lot of debt and he’s using that as an excuse not to go. I think if he stays at home he’ll only rack up more debt. How do I get my kid to launch? I don’t care if he becomes a doctor or lawyer, I just want him to want some kind of a life for himself. Twenty hours of work a week is not a career, no matter what job he picks.

— Desperate Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Desperate Dad: Leaving home might be the last big lesson you need to teach your son, as his parent. But you really need to do it! If he fritters away too much time in his 20s, eventually he’ll have feelings of regret and even resentment towards you for letting him stay in the nest so long.

Before nudging him out, career counselling and aptitude-testing are two gifts you could give him. When he finds a career goal that interests him, he may finally become interested in further education and working to get it.

Another thing your son needs is financial counselling to address his list of unpaid debts — with full disclosure and a “clean-up plan” that works. Be helpful, not derisive.

Try to lead your son, versus shaming him into doing the right thing. Then his adult life outside the home can be seen as an adventure with challenges to conquer, instead of scary abandonment.

Yes, you could help your son with a little more money to get him launched, but the most helpful thing will be helping him gain problem-solving skills and helping him see how proactive behaviours make a young person into a successful adult.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a bachelor in my late 40s. I’ve had lots of girlfriends but was never married because I was never deeply in love.

I recently gave my girlfriend a diamond engagement ring I bought at an antique sale. I know my woman doesn’t like it because she’s refusing to wear it.

The ring is somewhat old-fashioned and ornate with an extra-large diamond. The original owner must have been so proud of that sparkling ring. Now it’s just sitting in my girlfriend’s house, in the case with red-velvet lining.

We haven’t broken up, but things are strange and quiet — no apology from her yet. What should I do now? Does this mean we’re not meant for each other, or is she just being stubborn and wants a different ring?

— Bewildered, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Bewildered: It may be this diamond ring is destined to live in its red-velvet resting place, and you need to accept that.

An engagement ring is not supposed to be about someone else. It should symbolize the start of a new brightly shining love with someone you want as your partner.

You and your mate really need to talk about your relationship before it dissolves. If you decide to stay together and get married, ask her to come with you and pick out a new ring that reflects her taste so she can wear it happily.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Orphaned polar bear cub has new home at Winnipeg zoo

Eva Wasney 16 minute read Preview

Orphaned polar bear cub has new home at Winnipeg zoo

Eva Wasney 16 minute read Updated: 4:06 PM CDT

It’s a grey September afternoon and a small group is gathered for a special behind-the-scenes visit with Assiniboine Park Zoo’s newest resident.

“Heeeeere, bubba,” animal-care specialist Caitlin Gordon-Hall hollers from between a double layer of chain-link fencing.

After a beat, a small white face appears at the entrance of the private enclosure. The polar bear cub sniffs the air before trundling toward the fence, where his keepers have been working to encourage calm behaviour around humans ahead of his public debut on Thursday.

Gordon-Hall offers sing-song affirmations while the cub, who is nearly 200 pounds and 10 or 11 months old, observes the fawning strangers with guarded curiosity.

Read
Updated: 4:06 PM CDT

Nurses disciplined for botched IV infusion

Nicole Buffie 3 minute read Preview

Nurses disciplined for botched IV infusion

Nicole Buffie 3 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 4:36 PM CDT

Two nurses working at the Grace Hospital have been reprimanded and fined $2,500 each for an IV infusion gone bad and an attempted coverup.

The incident happened on November 23, 2023 when a nurse asked a colleague to set up an IV infusion on him in an unused operating room.

During the attempted IV start, the nurse lost consciousness. The nurse who attempted the IV drip and another who was in the room called for help and several staff responded.

The nurse regained consciousness and vomited, but recovered and continued to work his shift, a March 18 decision by the College of Registered Nurses of Manitoba says.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 4:36 PM CDT

Indigenous offenders need a new path to justice

Niigaan Sinclair 5 minute read Preview

Indigenous offenders need a new path to justice

Niigaan Sinclair 5 minute read 5:52 PM CDT

Indigenous peoples – and Indigenous men in particular – are incarcerated at a rate higher than any other group in Canada.

As Canada’s own Department of Justice reports from data last collected in 2024: “Indigenous adults make up roughly 4 per cent to 5 per cent of Canada’s general population, yet account for about 32 per cent to 33 per cent of federal custodial populations and a higher share in provincial and territorial facilities.”

According to Statistics Canada during the 2023-2024 year 2.6 per cent of all Indigenous adults in Canada were incarcerated (25,640 people) with that rate doubling for the total amount of Indigenous men (7.3 per cent).

And things are getting worse.

Read
5:52 PM CDT

Powerful allegory, magic wonder as ballet takes on Stravinsky

Holly Harris 5 minute read Preview

Powerful allegory, magic wonder as ballet takes on Stravinsky

Holly Harris 5 minute read 6:50 PM CDT

The Royal Winnipeg Ballet opened its mainstage season with fire and ice Thursday, as it paid homage to Russian composer Igor Stravinsky with Stravinsky Stories.

Local balletomanes may remember Alexei Ratmansky as a principal dancer during the early 1990s. The internationally renowned dance artist returns in a full-circle moment to stage The Fairy’s Kiss, the 50-minute work his first collaboration with the RWB in more than 30 years. He began flexing his choreographic muscles in its downtown studios with an earlier, reimagined incarnation in 1994, based on Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale The Ice Maiden, in turn set to Stravinsky’s own tribute to Tchaikovsky’s lushly romantic ballet scores.

Its narrative follows the journey of a Young Man (newly minted principal dancer Skylar Campbell, with all leads alternating) saved — and kissed — by a Fairy (principal dancer Elizabeth Lamont, who rips off a dizzying set of “fouettes”) after his Mother (former principal dancer Vanessa Léonard adding her own gravitas) perishes in a blizzard.

After falling in love with his fiancée (principal dancer Alanna McAdie, infusing her character with innocent youthfulness grounded by intricate footwork), he is tricked on his wedding day by the now disguised Fairy who reveals her true identity — and his ultimate destiny.

Read
6:50 PM CDT

A Rocky day on the mayoral campaign trail for Kevin Klein

Malak Abas 12 minute read Preview

A Rocky day on the mayoral campaign trail for Kevin Klein

Malak Abas 12 minute read 12:00 PM CDT

Kevin Klein acknowledges it’s hard to foresee what he’ll wake up to each morning in the final weeks of a mayoral campaign.

But the seasoned politician, who has served as both a city councillor and a provincial cabinet minister, couldn’t have predicted the events — what he describes as “drama” — that unfolded last Sunday.

Fellow mayoral candidate Mike Vogiatzakis accused Klein’s campaign team of offering him a job to drop out of the race, while a guest writer’s column in the Winnipeg Sun that questioned the deaths of Indigenous children at residential schools, just days after the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, sparked condemnation from a prominent Indigenous organization. (Klein is the CEO of the Klein Group, the company that owns the Sun. He has maintained he is not involved in its operations while running for mayor.)

The Free Press had already been scheduled to join Klein on the campaign trail Monday, intending to document a day in the life of the front-running candidate to unseat incumbent Scott Gillingham, before the controversies hit.

Read
12:00 PM CDT

Get to know your Jet: Mario Ferraro

Mike McIntyre 8 minute read Preview

Get to know your Jet: Mario Ferraro

Mike McIntyre 8 minute read Yesterday at 5:39 PM CDT

A one-on-one conversation with a Winnipeg Jet about the stuff you don't always hear in the media scrum

Read
Yesterday at 5:39 PM CDT