Probably best not to let this sleeping dog lie

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/04/2024 (905 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our dog is literally coming between my bride and me. We got him as a small puppy last fall and he started sleeping between us. Now he’s a big, hairy lug. He crawls up between us and puts his big paws on my back to push me out of the bed! I work construction and really need my sleep.

I’m embarrassed to admit this but to keep things simple I will too often just get out of bed, stagger with my eyes barely open into the spare room and fall into that bed. That’s where my wife finds me, to her dismay. This morning she raised the roof.

I wholeheartedly agree this has to change, but neither of us knows how! We have tried to shut our big fur baby out, but he sits and cries outside our bedroom door. Then, we just have to let him back in. Help!

— Big Hairy Problem, Silver Heights

Dear Big Hairy Problem: While trying to “crate train” your dog may not be easy, since Fido has already been sleeping in the warm bed with you for months, you can make the situation less upsetting for him. Partly cover the wire crate like a small cave and put clothes with your scents on them down as part of the bedding.

As for the dog’s preference for your wife, compete with her! Start building a special bond with your dog by taking him out with you alone to do fun things. He’d no doubt enjoy going to dog-training school with you, where he’d meet other canines, learn better behaviour and pick up some cool tricks, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lazy wife is having an affair and I’m looking the other way. I’m pretending I don’t know, even if other people in our vicinity might. We have young kids to raise, and I’m the only breadwinner. She is nice enough to our kids, but God knows she’s so lazy, no one would hire her to actually work for them!

We live on a rural property and our children are bussed to school. She lies around the house all day watching “her shows.” I come home at 5:30 p.m. and cook the family dinner. She hasn’t had an outside job since the children started coming — and that suits her fine.

She just wanted children to love her “like her parents didn’t.” And the children really do love her — she’s like the third kid and actually plays lots of games with them, indoors and out.

Last summer I hired a guy she knew from high school to do garden work, rake the fall leaves and clear snow in the winter. He “got lucky” with my wife, and I’m not even bitter. Honest to God, I’d let him have her without a fight, if we didn’t have the kids.

Is this my fate for the next 10 years, until the children are up and out? If so, I’m tempted to maybe get involved with a woman I recently met through work, to maybe balance things out and make my life more bearable. I already know she’d be willing. What do you think?

— Fighting Depression, rural Manitoba

Dear Fighting Depression: You can’t just rearrange people in relationships to get needs met, like rearranging a set of blocks. Adults and children are vulnerable beings with strong, complicated emotions. Two of the possible dangers right now? First, your wife and her lover might decide they want to take the kids and move in together, and secondly, you might reach out to the woman at work who could “balance things out” for you and get soundly rebuffed. You and your wife need to go for marriage counselling for your rapidly developing problems, ASAP, even if you have to travel to a larger town or city.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography