Personal stability will ease stress of parental chaos

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This article was published 15/11/2024 (652 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What do you say to your mom, who’s recently separated from your dad and wants you to meet the “new man in her life,” and be friendly?

“No freakin’ way!” is what I said. Where did this snake slither out from?

My parents only broke up in September, and I’m still living at home with my mom. I used to idolize my dad — but he moved out with his younger girlfriend. In retaliation, my mom already has a new guy she’s hot on, and he sleeps over. I do not accept him as the new head of our household!

I particularly hate seeing this dude sitting in my dad’s chair at the dinner table. I refuse to sit down, and make nice with him. Mom’s even got candles lit for dinner these days. I just grab my dinner and take it to my room and turn up the TV, so I can’t hear them talking.

I can’t go live with my dad because he already has his girlfriend living with him. She’s only 23. What a joke!

I’m so depressed, I started looking for a new place to live at noon hour today — one that I could afford, if my girlfriend moved in. I told my mother. She says she doesn’t want me “making any hasty decisions with a girlfriend.” But look at her!

Nothing works in this family anymore. Plus, I’m too messed up and hurt to keep my girlfriend happy anymore. How can I survive this year? I love my mother, and I want to protect her from this sleazy boyfriend, but she’s acting giddy and being stupid about it all.

— Upset Son, St. Vital

Dear Upset Son: It’s time for you to take control of your life. Stop ricocheting around and get yourself grounded, since your parents are no longer providing stability. Are any of your grandparents or an aunt or uncle close to you and are stable people? If so, go see them and tell them what’s going on — admitting you need help to get stable again, finish high school and get training for a real career.

High school, college and university campus counselling offices can help you with career choices to help get on the right path. Also, cheer yourself up by finding out what kind of funds you can apply for in bursaries and scholarships this year.

You’ve heard of a self-made man? You can become one, if you stand up right now and start pushing for yourself. People enjoy helping that kind of young person attain their goals.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m looking for a way to get back a woman I lost to a “friend” who stepped in when I was away travelling and playing ball. I was away for the better part of a year, and she got lonely. My letters and calls weren’t enough. Her attitude toward me became, “You snooze, you lose!”

I’m back home now, and she says we can maybe become “friends of some sort,” but she and one of my football buddies have become a couple. “That’s not going to change,” she says. In fact, she says they may be getting married. I’m shocked!

I thought our love was so strong we could get through literally anything, and one year away at school would not ruin that. For me, it just flew by, but I admit I didn’t write often enough. I also didn’t return for a visit at the six-month point, as planned — but I had a big opportunity open up to make a lot of money.

The point is, now I’m back. How can I get her to soften up her attitude toward me? I still feel we could make it right, because she was mine.

— Stolen From Me, Fort Garry

Dear Stolen: Six months is a lot of time to leave the fires of love untended, but a whole year? You didn’t own this young woman in the first place, and you didn’t come back to her when you promised. Time is relative and she felt the time you were away from her was extremely painful, and crawled by. It’s time to respect her wishes and let her go now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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