Cut the mudslinging and get healthy together

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my overweight wife and I fought two weeks ago, we had been drinking and said some nasty things about each other’s appearances. She called me fat, drunk and out-of- shape. My reply was, “Then we’re the perfect match.”

We’ve half-heartedly tried to apologize since, but it turns out we can’t easily forget those words. We haven’t gotten undressed in front of each other since. We’re wearing pyjamas to bed and sleeping as far apart as we can get in the bed. Needless to say, there’s been so lovemaking.

Last night, I came home from work and my wife had rolled her dresser into the spare bedroom and taken all her clothes there. I’m feeling hurt and angry, but I don’t really want a divorce.

It was a mean fight and I guess maybe we should make a pact to stop drinking and both lose 50 pounds because deep down I still love her and I hope she loves me.

Then tonight I came in from work and overheard my wife asking her sister about moving in with their family for the time being.

Her sister seemed to be giving her an argument against it. My wife got off the phone and went into “her” bedroom, and I could hear her crying. Help us, please.

— On the Edge, West Kildonan

Dear On the Edge: Luckily, your wife’s sister doesn’t want her moving in, so you have a better chance of saving your relationship.

You need privacy as a couple, plus relationship counselling to work through this. Yes, that will mean more tears and lots of conversation on topics other than body weight, but it could be worth it.

Your regular physician will have a list of marriage counselling offices and private therapists as well. If you have a place of worship, the leaders there will also offer counselling. Or maybe the two of you will want to see a psychologist — both individually and together.

Also, if drinking is a problem for either or both of you, this might be the time to consider cutting down or quitting. Contact Alcoholics Anonymous (aamanitoba.org) to discuss what help might be needed.

As for the weight issue that started this fight, consider joining a weight-loss or fitness group together and losing some weight to improve your physical and emotional health.

Evening walks and bicycling are also fun and romantic and you two need an infusion of both. A combo of all these tactics could help you restore the love, friendship and physical attraction you used to enjoy together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is having an affair with our neighbour three doors down who works from home. I wish I didn’t know about it.

Mom is a fairly young widow — and very pretty — but this man is definitely not single. He is still married and I’ve met his wife. She travels a lot for her work.

My father left my mom a lot of money, so she doesn’t need to work at all. She takes our dog out walking two or three times a day and they are often suspiciously long walks. I have volunteered to go with her a few times on weekends and she’s just says, “The dog and I like to walk alone.” What kind of nonsense is that? I just raised my eyebrows.

I’m no dummy. I look like my mom and guys are always checking me out, so what do I do? Plus, if I know what’s going on, I’m wondering who else on our street knows?

— Nervous Daughter, Westwood

Dear Nervous: Say to your mom, “When you take the dog for a walk and go into that man’s house for frequent long visits it must look suspicious to people on the street.”

She’ll probably be upset with you and she’ll no doubt assure you she and this man are just friends. Don’t argue about the status of their friendship. You’ll have made your point with her. Let it sink in.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6