The big meaning behind micro-relationships, and why we should talk to strangers more

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This article was published 16/09/2025 (352 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

VANCOUVER – Psychology Prof. Gillian Sandstrom was a lonely graduate student in Toronto when she began what she calls “a tiny, tiny micro-relationship.”

She and a woman who ran a hotdog stand on her way to university around 2007 would wave hello and smile at each other. Their interactions were so small that Sandstrom uses air quotes to even describe them as a “relationship.”

And yet “it really meant something much bigger than it seemed like it should, and it made me feel like I belonged there,” said Sandstrom.

“I felt very out of place and she, more than anyone else, is who made me feel OK, which was a bit puzzling.”

Sandstrom, who works as an associate professor of psychology at the University of Sussex in England, now attributes the woman at the hotdog stand with setting her on the course of her professional life — researching interactions with strangers.

It was a clear example of how such interactions “make you feel woven into the fabric of your neighbourhood or your community or your school,” she said.

Sandstrom is now among a group of academics and activists who are pushing the benefits of talking and interacting with strangers, in contrast to the years when young Canadians in particular were told instead of their dangers.

They say that even brief social interactions with strangers are beneficial to mental health and lead to feelings of belonging, in a push for connectivity that has led to a national campaign by Toronto-based organization GenWell.

The organization that says it is dedicated to “making the world a happier and healthier place” is behind national Talk to a Stranger Week, from Nov. 24-30.

CEO Pete Bombaci said the goal was simply to provide people with “an excuse” to speak with strangers.

“We want to help people build the connections that are likely to create the longer term, sustainable relationships that will actually make us all happier, healthier, and create a better society,” he said in an interview.

A study by GenWell, based on a 2021 survey of about 2,500 people, says happier participants were more likely to report greeting neighbours and strangers at least weekly; it says the greatest association with happiness was among people who greeted strangers and neighbours daily or almost daily.

Other champions of talking to strangers include Tony Esteves, from Canmore, Alta., who reckons he has spoken to 3,500 of them.

He said that in 2016, he was depressed and barely able to get out of bed in the morning. So, he set himself a goal: talk to at least one new person every single day.

It was a project that he says “profoundly” changed his life, making him more empathetic, and a better listener.

“It pulled me out of depression, and I can actually say meeting strangers literally saved my life.”

In his first year he spoke to 550 strangers.

On day 142, he spoke to a musician travelling across Canada. They would go on to co-host a music festival and remain friends to this day.

On day 305, he spoke to a young woman at a concert by the musician. They would begin an eight-year romantic relationship, which he still treasures.

“I will forever be grateful for the journey that we got to share for almost a decade as a result of me intentionally meeting strangers,” said Esteves.

OVERCOMING THE ‘LIKING GAP’

Ian Culbert, executive director of the Canadian Public Health Association, said the need for connectivity has been a focus in public health for years, though he believes more research into the field is needed.

Recent data by the Statistics Canada, released in February, shows more than 13 per cent of residents it surveyed across Canada’s provinces reported feeling lonely “always or often.” It found about 37 per cent sometimes feel lonely, while about 50 per cent reported “rarely or never” feeling lonely.

“We are inherently social beings, and our health and our well-being is directly tied to the relationships in the community in which we live,” Culbert said.

“So, these small encounters can reduce feelings of loneliness and social isolation. They provide a sense of belonging and connection that you’re not just in your own little bubble, and they absolutely improve mood, lower stress and even enhance your resilience to come back from setbacks,” he said.

He referenced a study published in the National Library of Medicine in 2014 that found attending religious services could provide small yet important protective benefits against coronary heart disease and its risk factors, including hypertension and diabetes.

“In fact, it has nothing to do with the religious element of it,” Culbert said. “It’s the social element.”

He said people seem to be connecting less, noting that political rhetoric can reinforce the idea that interacting with strangers may be dangerous.

That, he said, has made talking to strangers increasingly taboo, and is one reason the association has partnered with GenWell for Talk To A Stranger Week.

“When we look at the broad social determinants of health, we often think of income or education or race as being some of the big issues that we’re dealing with, and absolutely those are important issues, but we see social connectedness almost having a greater impact than even income,” he said.

Research has separately examined whether negative perceptions of risk among Canadian parents may be restricting outdoor play for their children.

A study by researchers from across Canada, published in the journal BMC Public Health in February, found that concerns about “stranger danger were associated with a higher odds of risk aversion.”

“Tailored interventions that reframe perceptions of risk for parents are needed,” the researchers conclude.

“Such interventions could reframe concerns about stranger danger which persist despite occurrences of stranger abduction being extremely rare.”

A research paper by Sandstrom, published in 2020, says people reported being happier when they talked to strangers, but fears of rejection often led to people limiting such interactions.

The paper, which analyzed more than 2,300 people across seven studies, asserts research in the field of positive psychology “makes a strong case that social relationships are the single most important predictor of people’s well-being.” It says so-called “strong tie” relationships with friends and family play the biggest role, but interactions with strangers also have value.

The paper says the meta-analysis showed that conversations with strangers generally go better than expected.

Sandstrom likened the act of talking to a stranger to an instrument that requires consistent and repeated practise.

“It definitely seems, for various reasons, that things have gotten in the way of us practising those skills,” she said.

Technology could be allowing it to be avoided, she said, citing self-checkout and online banking as ways to avoid brief interactions.

Sandstrom said people generally credit good conversations to the other person, but take blame if it goes poorly.

“We found that when two people meet each other, we tend to like the person we talk to,” she said. But people tend to believe the other person didn’t like them and that, she said, is “just not true.”

Sandstrom called that the “liking gap.”

“People actually like us more than we think,” she said.

Esteves said that improving social health could mean a multitude of “moments of micro-bravery” towards strangers — making eye contact, smiling, or opening a door.

“And these little acts of micro-bravery, they build momentum and they open the doors to transformation,” he said. “Put the phone down, be a little bit courageous, and start small, and these little interactions can profoundly change your life.”

Reaching out to strangers on the streets of Vancouver, The Canadian Press found that for some, self-doubt is not a problem, including self-proclaimed extrovert Mack Yong.

“I naturally will talk to people,” he said.

“It’s no fun to be lonely,” the business student added, saying he enjoyed learning other people’s views.

That curiosity is heightened when travelling, he said.

“When (talking to people while) travelling and you’re meeting someone, the way that you would talk to them, it’s a little bit different,” he said.

Sandstrom said this is typical of travellers as they are often already open to new experiences. “There’s an excuse to talk,” she said.

Another British Columbian, Julia Jacobs, said she thinks there may be a generational divide. She said her son finds it strange that she likes to speak with strangers, something she attributes to technology.

“I think (it’s) just because they text and Snapchat and aren’t so used to phoning or talking to strangers.”

Bombaci said he believes people are more disconnected than ever before due to factors that include reliance on technology, while Sandstrom said it was difficult to say if there is more disconnection today because “nobody had really paid attention to these kind of relationships” in the past.

She agreed loneliness is pervasive today and expanding connections can also amount to an act of kindness to others.

“You’re going to help them feel connected,” she said of talking with strangers.

“There are benefits to it, but they’re just a little scared and just need a little nudge, and maybe that’s the nudge for some people.”

This report by The Canadian Press was first published Sept. 16, 2025.