The hoops and hurdles of finding a family doctor

Family doctors. Everybody needs them.

But I have never had great luck finding one. Without a driver’s license and no interest in returning to public transit after too many bad experiences, finding a female doctor that I can access easily has been challenging.

My early adult years were spent without one. Then, from my 30s to my 40s I had a family doctor, and I was extremely grateful for her. When she took early retirement because of her own health issues, I was devastated.

After that, it was rare trips to walk-in clinics and only when absolutely necessary. I did all I could to avoid ever needing to go.

I can manage without a doctor, I figured.

But when I turned 50, I began to really understand the importance of having one. I started to be much more aware of my own vulnerability. With certain medical tests required or at least strongly suggested, the question always comes up, “Who is your family doctor?”

For many years my answer was, “I don’t have one.”

Last year, at age 61, I found one. Finally, within walking distance from our home — this seemed too good to be true. She was kind and considerate; she listened and seemed to genuinely care about my concerns. She understood veganism, natural health and my practice of both. When other physicians had wanted to prescribe medications for every little thing, it seemed, she never did. I felt like I’d won the lottery, after all that time. I was thrilled and relieved.

And then, after a year, she decided to leave the province. I was devastated once again.

Back to the drawing board.

I asked friends and others for recommendations. A few people suggested I look into finding a nurse practitioner instead — which appealed to me immensely — but I have yet to be successful. I looked into Doctor Finder and checked out numerous new clinics popping up all over the place with that welcome sign, “Accepting New Patients.” Calls, emails, online messages. Some get back to me, others don’t.

Since my doctor left earlier this year, I’ve attended two meet-and-greets with new doctors. The first one had no knowledge of living vegan or holistic health (which are of primary importance to me), and no interest in finding out how we could work together to incorporate both natural health practices and the more traditional western medicine.

The second one gave me a lecture on the need for medications and scoffed, “I know people like you” less than two minutes after meeting me. Was it my tattoos? My eyeliner? My being vegan? I couldn’t tell, but as the saying goes, we definitely weren’t vibing. I felt humiliated.

If feeling safe and comfortable are basic requirements for us to have with our family physician, there was no way this was ever going to work for me. Needless to say, those meet-and-greets were the first and last appointments with those two doctors.

I made the mistake of reading online reviews for the next doctor I’m scheduled to meet next month. As a need-to-know person, I like to gather up as much information as possible before I agree to any kind of commitment or important relationship. Many of the reviews are downright awful. I’m not sure that I want to find out why that might be.

And I’m not sure whether I’ll keep looking for another doctor or just give up entirely. But as my senior years are fast approaching, I’m more than a little worried about what will happen.

I do wonder why it seems so hard to find a physician who is caring and respectful of diverse needs and lifestyles. I mean, I may be high-needs in some ways, but I’m thankful and generally not that hard to deal with. I do ask questions, though, but I’d like to believe that that is still considered acceptable.

I’ve had incredibly positive experiences with doctors and nurses at the HSC Women’s Hospital while dealing with an ongoing health issue over the last few years. When I emailed the staff to thank them for their outstanding patience and care, they were grateful for my feedback and asked if they could share my message with others.

But trying to find a family doctor who gets me, feels impossible. Am I asking too much?

So here I am, 62 years of age, in need of a doctor who doesn’t jump to judgment and ridicule about lifestyles or anything else.

I can only imagine how many other women are in the same boat for different reasons, be they value-based, cultural or religious, I don’t think it’s too much to ask to be treated with compassion and respect, no matter who you are and what kind of life you lead.

Aging can leave many feeling exposed, unprotected. At a time in our lives when we may need more care, it would be really great if it wasn’t so hard to find.

Janine LeGal is a Winnipeg writer.