You’re definitely not in marriage country here

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a university student studying agriculture. I will inherit my parents’ grain farm someday and I couldn’t be happier about it. But I told my latest girlfriend about this, and she said she wouldn’t want to live outside the city on a farm. I told her it wasn’t a proposal, I was just stating a fact. And that turned out to be the end of us.

Was this the wrong thing to say to a girl you’re just starting to date, or is she just over-sensitive? She’s only 19, so she can’t be thinking about marriage at this point, can she?

— Farmer’s Son, Pembina Valley

Dear Farmer’s Son: People may not be in the market for immediate marriage, but it can be in the back of their minds. For instance, when people start dating, they often make little comments and ask questions about a new person’s lifestyle. Sometimes it’s just a casual fishing expedition, to see if the person would even be considered a “contender.”

This young woman was either too insensitive to know she was being rude and offensive, or she didn’t care if she put you off. Even if you aren’t looking for a wife, as an old country saying goes, she’s helped you “sort the wheat from the chaff.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new wife fancies herself a joker, and is always watching comedians on TV.

Her naughty sense of humour makes me laugh and is a part of what attracted me as a mate.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t know lately where the line is between cute and rude. She’s quite funny, but a bit too rude for a non-drinking get-together with my religious relatives. There’s a family wedding coming up with these folks and I really don’t know how to prepare her for it.

— Not Laughing, East Kildonan

Dear Not Laughing: To feel safe, you might need to spell it out as to which jokes or words will go over badly.

You would be amazed at the filter some crude people carry with them for use in spots where foul language and dirty jokes are simply not tolerated.

For instance, they know how to put an automatic lid on it with a police officer who just pulled them over, talking to a minister or priest, or speaking with an older person or young child.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have met the woman I would like to marry, but she’s not available.

I propose as a joke every time we meet. She’s married to someone else at the moment, but I would love to win her over.

When I saw her at a party recently, I asked her if she had an unmarried sister and she laughed and said, “Yes, do you want to meet her?” and she called over her younger sister who was nothing like her.

I said too loudly, “Won’t do. I want you,” and then her husband came over, laughing.

“Is this clown bothering you again?” he asked. And she said, “Yes,” and looked up at him lovingly.

And that was it, the end, nothing left to do but go home.

Why do I always flirt openly with married women? It’s fun at the time, but it gets me nowhere at all.

— Useless Flirt, St. Boniface

Dear Useless Flirt: You do this because married women are unavailable and therefore you’re safe from feeling real rejection.

You say you like to play the flirting game, but it’s likely you don’t truly want to win, and deep down don’t want to take someone into your life at this point.

The serious question to ask yourself is this: “Why do I need to lose in the romance game right now?” and then let your mind dwell on it and free-associate.

Often, the answer to a quandary like this will emerge from your subconscious after some reflection.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography