Enjoy later-life love without guilt trip from heirs

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a widow with a great sense of humour, and I sure need it.

I was surprised recently to get a call from a guy I went to university with way-back-when, who said he heard I was free. He confessed he had always got a kick out of me and my joking, and said he’d wished I wasn’t taken when he met me at school. He then asked if I wanted to meet him for lunch that very day.

So we met, and we’ve been having a great time and I really like him. In fact, we’re both old hippies and have been shacking up and shocking “the kids.” (Our children are pretty old themselves.)

Anyway, we have no time to lose, so we just moved his stuff in and if we live a few more months (just joking), he’s going to sell his house and later we’ll sell mine. Apparently, this is total craziness to our heirs. Not that we have mansions, but these abodes will sell for quite a bit at today’s prices and our kids know it.

Our question is this: how do we handle our whining kids, other than telling them to shut up and mind their own business? I think they would like to see us sell our homes, divide up the “fortune” and move into an old folks home together.

They don’t even need the money themselves — they’re just greedy.

— Grey Hairs, Winnipeg

Dear Grey Hairs: Since the kids are in decent shape financially, they need a big rap on their greedy knuckles, while you two need estate lawyers and a plan to do what you want to enjoy your new romance and the rest of your lives.

Then just announce it to the children — don’t ask for their approval. Knowing you both have up-to-date wills sorted and that they won’t be left out (down the road) should be enough for them to back off a little.

If they don’t, just bore them to tears telling them how happy you are together now and that they don’t have to worry about you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m sitting in my home office crying because I just saw my husband’s banking details he left open on the computer — he’s been spending daily on booze and food.

He has always tried to find ways to cover this up after I called him out in the past.

What a liar. He eats at fancy restaurants where he can have a couple of cocktails at lunch, and then also drinks at dinner if he has to work late. He does that a lot.

I thought I noticed liquor on his breath a couple of times.

However, he has covered it up pretty well so far by pouring us a stiff drinkwhen he comes through the door, so we both end up with alcohol on our breath.

He was quite uncomfortable when I asked him why his account balance seemed so low. He’s spent thousands and thousands of dollars on restaurants and booze over the three years we’ve been married.

He claims to be so sorry about the financial “surprise,” but I feel coldness towards him now. Am I living with a secret alcoholic?

— In Shock, Fort Richmond

Dear In Shock: Al-Anon (mbnwo-alanon.org) is a support organization for friends and families of alcoholics. They can open your eyes as to how this stealthy sort of heavy drinking happens. It can be quite commonplace, especially if the work or business environment is high-stress and involves entertaining customers and closing deals.

Through Al-Anon, via in-person or online meetings, you can also meet people who are dealing with similar issues and develop a strategy on how to help your mate.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography