Branch out, and maybe plant new seed for love

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My house, attic and garage are filling up with plants, which is exactly what I love. Spring is coming and they are all my babies and I enjoy keeping them warm in my heated spaces.

I spend a lot of money and a lot of time with them. My boyfriend thinks it’s a bunch of nonsense.

Recently, I get the feeling we’re losing ground in this romance, and I wonder if I should just chuck it. I get even more involved with the plants and garden and landscaping as spring progresses and summer arrives.

The problem is, he’s the best guy I’ve ever had, and I haven’t had many. Should I try to hang on to him because, as he says, “I’m more important than a bunch of stupid plants”?

— Devoted to my Plants, St. Norbert

Dear Devoted: It’s time to face facts. You may really need a great partner with a green thumb and this guy is not it. The trouble with gardening is it can keep you planted in your own backyard, not meeting anybody else.

Luckily, Winnipeg has a big gardening community with several active clubs offering meetings, educational workshops and garden-plot rentals in all areas of the city. They meet regularly to share ideas, hot tips and techniques — and they often socialize. Look them up online and you’ll be amazed. Then go where people are speaking your language. You may even find a romantic new gardening mate who would love to cultivate under the moon with you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has always kept a photo of a young guy hidden underneath a flap in her wallet, even though she was married to someone else.

I know this because when I was in high school I snooped and she caught me. She was upset and told me that it was a distant cousin of hers. Yeah, right. She was definitely making that up.

A few months ago, my dad died and I started visiting mom a lot because we both missed him. I was over at her house recently when a guy with red hair came to the door. My mother let him in and gave him her special smile.

He said he brought her some seedlings for her indoor garden in the kitchen windows. She gave him another look, involving her eyebrows, and he left quickly on a silly excuse.

When the door shut, I asked who he was. “His face looks familiar and the red hair is the same as mine. Is he a relative?” She shrugged, and then hemmed and hawed and finally decided to confess.

It was her boyfriend from high school — the young guy who got her pregnant with me. My real father. She said her parents forbade her to see him again, but she always kept his photo hidden in her wallet. I felt myself freaking out.

I asked her if she loved the man she married who brought me up as his own, and she said slowly, “I came to love him very much.” And then I asked, sarcastically, “And how about loving my real father, who just dropped in?”

And she said, “Now that is becoming so.”

What in heck does that mean? Like, why did she marry a different guy and not my real father in the first place? Please help.

— Upset and Confused, Winnipeg

Dear Confused: Your mother obviously never forgot your young birth-father, as she carried his photo around hidden in her wallet all this time. She may have planned to explain the photo to you one day when she felt you could handle it — or maybe she just treasured it and wanted to feel him secretly close to her.

You can deeply love more than one person in a lifetime, and even at the same time, though maybe in different ways.

So, let things cool down for a bit, while doing some research. Start by asking your mom to fill you in on the history of your birth — the whole story, including her parents’ reaction to the pregnancy and to your mom’s teenage boyfriend, who clearly got pushed away.

Then you might ask your mom the two biggest questions in your mind. First, did she really, truly love the man she married? And secondly, does she want to marry your biological father in the future? She may not know, or it may just be too soon after the death of her husband.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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