Be careful with old flame’s power games

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just ran into the short-haired girl I was crazy in love with back in high school. She wore all black clothes, kind of looked like a guy, but used dark lipstick and dyed her hair different weird colours. She always looked like a scary, powerful woman and she loved to tease me, because I was shy back then.

She was standing there in the sun, and I liked her new look — blue-black hair, dressed in a black suit, hot-looking and powerful as ever! But after we started talking, she suggested we go catch up over a drink and lunch.

After eating and drinking a lot on my tab, she was a bit tipsy and confessed she already has a boyfriend she quite likes, because he doesn’t bow down to her.

To get even, I told her I had a girlfriend, “but that could change.” Then I paid the tab. She finally liked something about me!

Then she just took my hand and led me outside to her big car. We kissed, but then she suddenly went cold and immediately started to take off. I asked her to call me if she ever became free!

Then she looked annoyed, dropped the tough act, and said, “What’s the big deal? Couldn’t we just meet to play around once in a while?” I felt my stomach drop. What now?

— Why Do I Want More? St. James

Dear Want More: This woman has doesn’t want you as a person. She’s told you she prefers this other guy, but she’d see you for some fun! If it’s just her stark, powerful look that attracts you so much, look for another woman with a similar look on the outside but warmer underneath — a person who likes you as a person, as well as a sex partner.

More importantly, consider getting some counselling, so you’ll stop being sexually attracted to someone who tells you they’re not interested in you. That’s just going to bring you a lot of pain.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman who’s spent a lot of time working outside of Winnipeg in different countries. I have returned home now to put down roots because the current tenor of world politics is making me unhappy.

I was surprised to find men at home were intrigued by my world travelling and working. They were not so intrigued by my attitude toward dating, which is to split everything right down the middle, so there’s no chance of power struggles or undue obligations.

I do this with my girl buddies, and it works out just fine. Why are men miffed when I insist on paying half the bill, or even covering everything?

— Recently Returned, Downtown

Dear Recently Returned: Canadian men usually don’t mind if dinner dates split the bill with them, but some people do like to treat their dates if they have suggested the restaurant and it’s expensive, or if it’s totally unknown to their date and they may not like the food.

Some people may also like to cover the cost of tickets to sporting or arts events, especially when it’s their suggestion or something they’re introducing to their date. There’s nothing wrong with accepting this kind of generosity in certain cases!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I come from another country and I’m very polite. I find shy women are attracted to me because in Canada they are not used to being treated like royalty by a man.

I am a big, tall man and the other day when I was out with a woman, I picked her up and carried her across a puddle so she wouldn’t harm her footwear. She didn’t thank me! In fact, she struggled to get down and she was embarrassed. What should I have done?

— New Canadian, Winnipeg

Dear New Canadian: It might be best for you to say, “In my home country we sometimes carry a woman across water puddles so she won’t ruin her footwear. May I carry you?” Then she has a choice and isn’t startled when her feet are suddenly swept up off the ground. Some women would find it charming, but others might find it too old-fashioned. So, just ask! At the very least, it will make for good conversation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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