Persistent ex much more than just a pest

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home alone in my own car after a first date with a great new guy I met through my work. Unfortunately, I found my ex-boyfriend in the driveway of my new rental house. He’d fallen asleep in his car, waiting there.

I just lost it! I banged on his window, and yelled, “What are you doing here? Get out of here, and go home!”

He finally sat up, rubbed his eyes and two minutes later he backed out, yelling crude names at me out the window. Then he took off like a shot!

I found out today that somebody we both know told him I was out on a date. That’s why he was drunk and jealous! I want to get rid of him for good, but now he’s not taking my calls, so I can’t even tell him that and re-ditch him!

I told his best friend to let him know we are finished forever, but he’s still calling to hear my voice on my message and then hanging up. Creepy!

What now? I’m obviously no good at break-up politics, and his lying in wait for me to come home gives me the creeps. I don’t have a lot of money for lawyers, but I need to feel safe as I’m finally starting to date again. Please advise!

— Nervous Ex-Girlfriend, Sage Creek

Dear Nervous Ex-Girlfriend: You clearly need some legal authority to get this ex-boyfriend to stop dogging your tracks. Following you and staking out your home to harass you is against the law. It’s time to see a lawyer and take action.

Can’t afford it? Legal Aid Manitoba (legalaid.mb.ca) offers affordable rates for people who need legal help of all kinds, so make sure to contact them.

They’ll inform this ex-boyfriend he’ll be in serious legal trouble with penalties, if he insists on shadowing you in his car or on foot, or harassing you by phone.

He’ll be given a distance he must stay away from you, or he can be picked up by police and taken into custody.

By the way, living alone may not your best situation right now. This would be a good time to find a roommate or two.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife wants me back in the worst way! By that I mean she wants me to come back and live with her now that she’s quit drinking. Big deal!

She used to get so drunk she’d say and do wicked things to me, including insulting my looks and my sexual ability. She used horrible insulting words I can never forgive her for!

She claims she doesn’t remember saying anything like that. She acts so innocently and says I’m being mean for holding her responsible for her actions when she was drunk and stoned! She just says, “the past is the past!”

Is she not responsible now for how she treated me? I’m not a mean person.

— Just Can’t Forgive Her, Central Manitoba

Dear Can’t Forgive: Yes, she’s responsible for what she’s done whether she’s drunk, stoned or sober. Also, people who expect or demand forgiveness from someone they abused, do not have the right to forgiveness just because they finally ceased those behaviours.

True, a former user will likely be able to start better a relationship once they’re “clean,” but it will take a lot of time to rebuild trust with a person they formerly abused, if they ever do.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography