Ease up a bit on your Halloween regulations

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I strongly disagree on whether the grown-up parents of young children should also dress up in scary costumes and masks for Halloween when they go out with their little ones door-to-door.

I think parents should never wear costumes, and certainly not masks. Their kids might be screaming and making crazy Halloween noises when the doors open on them in their costumes, but little people don’t need to see their grown-up parents looking like horrible creatures.

Call me overprotective, but I think the kids should always know one of us — who looks like a real human parent — will be with them all the way during trick-or-treating.

As for the yelling that often accompanies trick-or-treaters arriving at a door, only the children should be doing it — not the ridiculous parents behind them.

My husband says I’m overreacting. He still loves Halloween and wishes he could be a kid again — yelling, making creepy noises and coming home with a big bag of loot. I do notice some of the craziest parents answer the door in their own scary costumes. My man thinks that’s great.

I think they should just grow up. They must have forgotten they’re the ones who are supposed to be “scared” by the children who arrive in spooky Halloween costumes.

—Concerned Human Mother, St. James

Dear Concerned Human Mother: Most of the very young kids in these situations are feeling quite safe holding on to mom and dad, whether in costumes or not, as they ask treat-givers for candy.

Also, lots of older children enjoy being allowed to yell outside neighbours’ doors once a year. So, let them yell silly things at the top of their lungs — just nothing really rude.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When my oldest daughter turned 21, her dad built her a room in the basement and jokingly told people he did it so she would never leave. Well, she quickly met a keeper of a guy six years ago and they haven’t left yet. They are both pushing 28.

There were never any rules for her to do with drinking or the boyfriend sleeping over — a great situation for these two. They no doubt love the deluxe bed, microwave, fridge, bathroom and big TV. Not to mention the kicker — the soundproofing.

Daddy thought of everything to get his girl to stay at home. Friends and relatives have made cracks, suggesting the young couple should get “kicked upstairs” to the old part of the house, and the parents should move down to the “deluxe suite.”

When my daughter hinted she and her boyfriend were going to move out this past spring, my husband quickly had an in-ground pool installed to keep them with us — and they stayed. The royal couple and their friends enjoyed that pool all summer.

But now my daughter is hinting she and her guy will be getting married and buying their own home soon.

One can only hope they have a down payment together, as neither of them has paid us a cent to live here.

My husband is upset about “his kid” leaving — and he’s being too quiet. It seems like he’s heading for some kind of depression. I’m disgusted with his pouting. Frankly, I just want my husband back before I lose all my love for him.

What should I do?

— So Fed Up, River Heights

Dear Fed Up: You and your husband need to start seeing a relationship counsellor right now, ostensibly about “losing” your daughter, but also about repairing the emotional intimacy that’s been missing between you for years.

Sometimes a couple with an only child problem needs to let go when the grown kid leaves — and then learn how to live-and-love as a free and hopefully romantic couple once again.

They need to learn to take up activities that involve other adults — such as dancing, golfing, pickleball and maybe some travel adventures — where they will meet new friends.

So, book a first session of counselling for you and your own mate to start working out any issues from your end.

It will help you look at things as a healthy living situation, one that could be happier for everyone — with your grown daughter happily up and out, but visiting you frequently.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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