Adult daughter can date anyone she pleases

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/09/2019 (2214 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My daughter is going to university and is only 20 years old. I just found out she’s been dating a work friend of her dad’s (we’re divorced) and I am shocked. This new “man” of hers is in his early 30s. Her father is in his mid-40s, for goodness sake!

Her dad and his young “tart” might be going out together with my daughter and her older guy as a dating foursome, for all I know. My husband liked to team up with other couples because he said I was dull and never said much. How could I when he was always correcting me and treating me like a dummy?

I am totally against this relationship. People will talk! Some are already gossiping at the golf club. I told my daughter, and she couldn’t care less what they say, or how embarrassed and humiliated her own mother feels.

I told her off again yesterday and she put her hands on her ears like a child and pretended like she didn’t even hear me. Later, she told me she did it so she wouldn’t end up hating me.

— Furious and Disrespected, Westwood

Dear Furious: Your daughter is 20 and gets to choose any man she wants without your approval. Sadly for you, Winnipeg is a small town, and some people will talk, but they get over the gossip as fast as they pass it on. Gossip is gone with the wind and nobody really cares.

There’ll be no righteous indignation — except from you, her mother. But not her mother for long, if you don’t get a grip.

Don’t lose your daughter over this romance. You’ve come close with two explosions. So see a psychologist or relationship counsellor this week and get cooled off. Start acting as if you’re over it and it doesn’t bother you. Fake it and be nice. That doesn’t mean you have to entertain the guy at your place for dinner anytime soon, although he may be very nice.

And there’s a real silver lining here for you, if you choose to see it. You get to start dating any man you please, and he might be younger or even much older, but hopefully sweeter and sexier than your ex! Your new love will be your choice, just as it’s your daughter’s choice.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love dancing and my husband doesn’t. I signed up for dance lessons without him. He asked, “Are there men there?” I said yes, of course. I didn’t stop going because of his obvious disapproval. Now I’m a really good ballroom dancer without my husband’s help, and now I think there’s a guy with a crush on me. I don’t want to quit dance lessons because of it, but I do love my husband. I told him about the guy and he started coming to pick me up after lessons. I’ve got his attention now but he still won’t join classes with me. Please help.

— Dying For Him To Join

Dear Dying: Maybe, like so many men, he feels too self-conscious to “make a fool of himself” in front of other people, but would be OK learning basics in the living room with the computer as your dance teacher. Once he reached a certain standard, he might actually agree to attend lessons with you to become a more accomplished dancer. Give him lots of encouragement without sounding gushy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.