Don’t let rough play turn into rough business

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This article was published 20/09/2019 (2572 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I slapped my husband’s face! Then he turned me over his knee and spanked me — not very hard — and then we both ended up laughing. It was exciting in an odd way, and yes, we were both a bit drunk.

I am a little worried this has broken the no-violence pact that we vowed when we married. We both come from families where our parents were violent to each other. What do you think?

— Scared of Slippery Slope, West Kildonan

Dear Scared: Well, it turned out to be fun for a couple of minutes, but you two don’t need to go down that road again. I doubt your husband was amused at the slap across the face, as it’s degrading. Let this be your first and last physical fight. Unlike some people, you two can’t afford to fool around with the physical fights that messed up your parents and your families — too many bad associations. There are other wild ways to play with each other that don’t involve violence.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m known as the “thief of hearts” among my card-playing girlfriends, because twice recently, I stole men back from other lovers.

First, I came home from university in another city and found out somebody had taken over my first love, and it really bugged me. I’d left him alone for a couple of years, and we’d both had others, but I thought we’d get back together when I came home. Not!

He refused to see me because he had another woman. When I saw them for the first time together at the Red River Ex, all kissy-poo, my heart exploded. I lay in bed that night and started formulating a plot to get him back.

I played the old friend/buddy and I was really nice to his young chick and always had another guy with me when we did things together. Then I got a puppy and invited my ex over to see the little guy I’d named after him and I was playing all our favourite old songs. By the end of the night, he was mine again!

It was satisfying to have gotten him back, but he was still a good ol’ country boy and I am much more citified now. A few months later, it was over for me, and I hurt him again.

Not long after, I saw another old friend who is not one of my card-playing friends, and her boyfriend was ripe for the picking — clearly bored silly of her and instantly enamoured of me, and it was dead easy. It felt good somehow. I know that sounds mean, but it’s the truth.

Now there’s a problem. I don’t like the way my girlfriends laugh and say, “Here comes the thief of hearts!” They also say openly they’re keeping their boyfriends and husbands well away from me.

They keep me as a pal, because I’m funny and keep them laughing with my exploits and salty remarks, but I’m not welcome in their lives other than at the card table.

I realize I should go after single guys instead of stealing men from other women, but I confess I enjoy stealing more. I guess I need help.

— Thief Of Hearts, River Heights

Dear Thief: You aren’t emotionally available for a big mutual love and settling down, but you do love to chase a man — and the biggest challenge is a man who’s already taken. You’re a hunter woman, just like there are men who love to hunt other men’s women. When they’ve bagged their game, the thrill is over — until the next victim comes along.

For you, the thrill has as much to do with beating out the other women as it has to do with desiring the guy. You felt the first woman you stole from had taken your first love, and it’s somewhat understandable you were upset, although you’d ignored the man for years. The second woman made you look great to the man by comparison, because you were so much more exciting. That fed your ego big-time! You bested her by just presenting your exciting self and making it clear you were available as a step up in the dating world.

If it bothers you that you’re not getting anywhere in finding real love and lasting relationships, talk to a psychologist, and see if you can change your thinking and behaviours. Personally, I think the vulnerability of being in love and not holding the reins of power scares you silly. If you’re not willing to work on that fear and change your thieving ways, don’t be surprised when other women hide their guys from you. Everybody, including you, knows that you can’t be trusted in this area.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6. 

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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