Cat’s out of the bag, guy is cold and uncouth

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This article was published 24/11/2019 (2494 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a few short dates with a man I met through mutual friends. After our second date, he asked if I’d like to come by, as he was having a few people over for drinks. He mentioned he had three cats.

I thanked him for the invite and told him I’d have to decline, as I’m horribly allergic to cats. Without skipping a beat, he said, “They’re just my deceased father’s cats.” He added he “wasn’t attached to them and could take them to the humane society.”

I was in shock! I’d just met him, yet he had no second thoughts about getting rid of his dad’s pets. I told him that was disgusting and awful, and I haven’t returned any of his texts or calls. What was he thinking?!

— Horrified About Poor Pets, S. Winnipeg

Dear Horrified: This man was just looking for an excuse to dump these cats he felt had been dumped on him. He was being truthful when he said he had no attachment, but then he used you as an excuse to take them to the Humane Society and give them up. No wonder you had a bad taste in your mouth. This guy was showing you he could be cold, unloving and uncouth — and all in one breath. Be glad you found out about him this early in the game and can block his number now, so you aren’t bothered by him anymore.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have one son in his early teens and one about to become a teenager, and I’ve caught them both at different times looking at “adult material” on their phones. I took them for lunch last weekend and I saw one bare breast flying by on my youngest son’s phone. I grabbed his phone and threw it in my purse and impounded it for the rest of the weekend. He is kicking up a big stink because he has “no other activities” except his phone.

I’m confused and upset. They are so young.

What happened to my boys? Did I go to far? What should I do? Their dad brushes it off and says it’s just normal curiosity. I don’t buy that. It’s not good for them.

— Mixed-Up Mom, Westwood

Dear Mixed-Up: What’s wrong with your husband? You’re in the right. Don’t question yourself for having good, healthy parental reactions. Would you really want your kid to say to his friends you caught him looking at porn and said, “Oh, that’s OK, dear; it’s just a natural reaction. Go ahead and look all you want while we’re waiting for lunch to arrive?”

Hogwash!

You did the right thing, but your son gave you a clue to fixing this that you missed. He says he doesn’t have any other activities to do. Now is the time to enrol him in sports, music and/or other fun activities, so he doesn’t continue life as a computer slug.

Also have a big talk with him about respecting women — how poorly websites portray them, especially in porn. Then, get into how rude it is to be gawking at women’s naked bodies in a restaurant, and even worse, with his mother at the table. Ask him what he was thinking and make him explain himself.

Be a parent, not another one of the teenagers. Your son expects you to set a standard of behaviour. Obviously, dad doesn’t care much about that — and what does that mean to a boy?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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