Best move to get away from gaslighting charlatan

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/10/2021 (1752 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was dating this gorgeous, loving, sensual man. Within the first year of dating me, I invited him to move into my home. I was feeling so devoted I said at the beginning of this summer I’d never leave him, no matter what! He said, “No matter what?” and gave me a long look, studying my face weirdly.

A few weeks ago, he said he was moving out, so we could have “a fresh start, with us dating as if it were all brand new and we’d just met.”

What? I couldn’t wrap my head around this mumbo-jumbo. He moved out on me one week later, with his old buddies and their trucks helping.

When I recovered from shock, I knew something was really off. I decided to do a little “private eye” investigating.

Well, lo and behold, my loving boyfriend is seeing someone else! I found her on Facebook, saw pictures of him obviously taken with her smartphone — and there were some of our mutual friends in the photos. Everybody knew but me. I felt sick.

But he keeps calling me and texting me, wanting to take me out to dinner, saying he loves me, and that we’re “just dating again.”

I told him to get the heck out of my life! He said, “You don’t mean that. You love me.”

Yesterday, he dropped in while I was out in my backyard raking. When he tried to kiss me, I bit him hard on the cheek so his other girlfriend could see it.

What should I do? I feel like I’m… Losing My Mind, Winnipeg

Dear Losing My Mind: Don’t lose your mind over a trickster like this. He’s hoping he can gaslight you into thinking there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing. You can’t go back in time, like he’s pretending to do. Instead, call off the romance and let it be totally finished.

Block him every way you can — social media, phones and changing the locks. If he won’t leave you alone, and starts flat-out stalking you because you’re now a challenge again, call the police.

Also, get emotional help for yourself. Cry it out with best friends and see a psychologist who can help you untangle from this guy’s web.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My great big family is having a Halloween costume party Oct. 31, instead of the Christmas party we couldn’t have, because of COVID. We’re all wearing masquerade costumes — so we have to guess who’s who.

My mother invented this idea. Everyone is invited and bringing food, drinks and candy — even the two cousins I hate. They are mean and might try to push me in the bonfire. Not kidding! I hate them back, but I’m smaller than they are, and can’t fight them. Any suggestions for me to get me through the night alive? — Hating My Cousins’ Guts, Selkirk

Dear Hating: This is where moms come in handy. As yours is the evening’s hostess, ask her to give you a job for the night, like answering the door, or serving food inside the house.

Also ask the little kids at the party to try to figure out who’s under each costume and report back to you for extra treats. Then you at least know who’s who early in the evening and can stay away from them.

You can win if you’re a man with a plan!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a hat my wife hates because it has cursing on it, as a joke. The hat says “FU” — only the words are fully spelled out.

She took away the hat and hid it, or threw it in the garbage. She says every time she looked at me wearing that hat, it felt like a message from me to her. It was a joke!

We have a farm and work together. I liked wearing my funny hat. I keep telling her I want my hat back or for her to replace it. She says: “I couldn’t stand that message in my face every day, so it’s gone!”

What right has she to take an article of my clothing and throw it away? She has no sense of humour.— F for Funny Guy? southwestern Manitoba

Dear Funny Guy: And you have no sense of honour! If she wore a hat with “Ya Big Loser” on the front and every time you looked at her you read that message, how would you feel? At first, as with most jokes, it might be funny, but jokes get stale fast.

She asked you not to wear it, and your response was basically what was written on the hat, which translates to “I don’t care what your feelings are.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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