‘Tis the season to dabble in costumes

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This article was published 28/10/2021 (1796 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m dating a wonderful woman who has turned out to have a totally different style, sexually, than expected. She dresses conservatively for work, but she’s wild underneath and wants to dress up and have crazy sex with me.

I’ve spent my entire adult life having regular romantic sex, and enjoying it. I’m not saying I’m a man without passion, but I’m not the kind who wants to wear handcuffs.

She has a very dominant streak in her as it turns out. I’m a strong man, but I must admit I’m freaked out imagining what she may want. I have to say she’s 100 per cent wonderful, otherwise — fun, intelligent, loves kids and animals, sports and outdoor adventures.

Will I be able to keep her happy if I tell her I’m not into this sexual stuff? Will she go somewhere else? What do I do?

— Normal Guy, North End

Dear Normal Guy: It’s definitely a problem when you have a great blend of two personalities, but your sexual styles are at odds. If you want to keep this relationship together, you can’t totally reject your new lady’s dominant sexual tastes, no more than she can totally reject your more conservative romantic style.

That means learning to dabble in both, taking it lightly, and learning to laugh when things don’t work out. Can you at least try that?

To take down the anxiety factor for you, suggest a first scene where the submissive revolts partway through the scene, and takes over the dominant role. There’s a little drama that could be fun and exciting for both of you. She may want to dress like a dominatrix sometimes to play games, but know this: Her partner doesn’t have to play the weakling. What kind of challenge would that be?

A lot of the excitement in role-playing for your lady has to do with the exciting costuming. Some of the more expensive lingerie and props can be found at sex shops, of course. But with Halloween coming, you can both find costumes to do with superheroes and heroines or ghosts and monsters. So why not go our shopping together and see what might appeal to both of you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m dating an older man (I’m 23 and he’s 31) and my family is really weird about it. My dad is a very defensive “old school” sort of dad. He’s a businessman of some importance in my parents’ rural area, and he told me never to bring “that older guy” around.

We’ve been seeing each other for many months in the city where I live, and I feel like he should have been introduced to my parents by now. They won’t even entertain the idea!

We may be eight years apart in age but we have a connection like I’ve never had before, and he makes me happy. I’d like to marry him down the road and have children with him. He’s already got a solid career and he loves me and respects me and wants kids, too. How can this relationship be wrong?

— Got Unfair Parents, rural Manitoba

Dear Unfair: Your dad thinks an older guy will be after “one thing” from a young woman like you, and not everything else that should go with it — like safety, love, respect and responsibility.

If eight years older in your particular case means your guy is more mature, thoughtful and serious about commitment then Dad might be brought around by a surprise visit.

Since your father doesn’t want a home scene with mom and family present, then perhaps your older guy could arrive alone, dressed well, at Dad’s place of work at quitting time, for a man-to-man talk about your relationship. Now that’s an old-school tactic. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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