Sisterly bond will endure hurtful gift rebuff

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This article was published 18/01/2023 (1342 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I found out my older sister recently took my Christmas presents back to the stores and exchanged them other stuff. I’m so hurt. I babysat for that gift money and spent a lot of time shopping for her. I didn’t ask her what the substitutions were when she returned everything, but next year she might not get anything from me!

I always thought she maybe didn’t love me as much as I loved her, because she’s always going out with her snotty friends. My mom knows how hurt and embarrassed I am that my own sister thought my gifts were stupid. Mom says I should just tell her that, but that would be even more humiliating. What should I do?

— Hurt and Embarrassed, Fort Richmond

Dear Hurt and Embarrassed: Sometimes there are “off periods” between siblings, but more often than not, they tend to become close again, a year or so later. Don’t avoid your older sister noticeably, but transfer some of your interest and desire to please away from her for the time being.

As for your sister’s rude gift behaviour, ask your mom to deal with her, as Sis needs to be taught some lessons on how to treat people she can’t afford to lose. Don’t fight it out with your sister yourself, because you’re not likely to win fights with her, until you get older.

Just trust there’s still a sisterly bond that goes deeper than the hurtful situation you’re in right now. Your sister would be gutted if something serious happened to you. So, you’re actually safe to push away now and invest more of your time and interest in friends your own age.

Let your sister be the self-involved older teen she is right now — hanging with people she can’t wound as deeply as her little sister.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My widowed mom, now in her 50s, is having a secret relationship with someone! She won’t tell my brother and me who it is.

It’s to the point where she’s gone all night from her house, and sometimes she doesn’t answer her phone until noon on weekends.

All she’s said to us, is that we shouldn’t panic when she’s not at her house, because she’s at her “new person’s” house. I’m definitely worried. Who is this secret guy?

I’m her oldest son. She and I had a fight last night over her safety. She said, “For God’s sake, I’m in my 50s and I’m not going to die suddenly, so you overgrown kids can get off my back!”

We’re in our 30s and feel protective because she was a young single mother after our dad died suddenly. She was everything to us. Why can’t she at least tell us where’s she’s going?

— Her Worried Son, West End

Dear Worried: If you knew the identity of the person she’s seeing, could you stop fretting? Have you considered this person might not meet with your approval?

Perhaps she’s meeting a married lover, an old boyfriend, a friend or relative of your dad’s, or maybe her lover is a woman and she thinks you’re not open-minded.

You could try telling Mom you just want to know where she might be, should you ever need her help and her phone isn’t on. Stress that it’s a safety issue, not a moral issue for you. All you need is an address in case you need to get in touch in an emergency, and phone contact isn’t working.

However, she may still tell you to mind your own business!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I asked my new girlfriend a stupid board-game question: “Am I the best lover you ever had?” She looked at me over her glasses and said: “I’ll need a week to think about that.”

A week? How many guys has she had? Or was she just trying to put me off, so she didn’t have to answer that question?

I rushed in and filled the gap, by saying “Well, you’re the best I ever had!” Then she should have said, “Same!” and ended that conversation, but she didn’t.

Now everything’s awkward. We chat about silly things on the phone, but nobody’s asking for another get-together.

Please help! She’s so cool, and I’m crazy about her. I’m 19 and she’s 21 — old enough to know better than to date a doofus like me.

— Blew It Already? Weston

Dear Blew It: Yes, you may have blown this romance. It’s never wise to ask someone a question regarding “their number” of lovers and how they’ve ranked you.

Once you have some relationship time in the bank, you’re likely to be forgiven for asking a rude question, though not that one!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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