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Wait for empty nest before branching out sexually

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I are both bisexual, which was working well for us many years ago.

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Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife and I are both bisexual, which was working well for us many years ago.

We met at university in our final year. We’d been experimenting with dating people of the same sex, but were tired of the revolving-door single scene, and the drama.

Finally, we both decided we wanted a family life and to have children. In the end, we got married, and have two great kids together. They’re one year apart, both in their late teens.

Our children have been making serious noises about going out of province to university. Little do they know, we would like some privacy back! My wife and I are both realizing we want to feel some freedom to explore again, sexually. We don’t want to break up, but our question is this: Must we wait until the kids are both gone? We aren’t jealous people — or wildly sexual. In fact, we are bookish and quite cerebral, but are missing the added dimension of experiencing a same-sex friend/lover again.

— Looking for Our Own Changes, south Winnipeg

Dear Looking: You and your wife have been out of the romance scene for a long time, while raising two kids. No doubt you’ve forgotten how giddy and foolish people can become — even grownups like yourselves — when they fall for someone new. You may think it’ll just be a sexual experiment, but people are complicated and emotional, and all kinds of crazy things can happen.

Be kind and extra careful! Get the mostly-grown “kids” well settled at their universities beforehand. You never know what might happen when you get back into seeing other people — and you don’t need the kids directly witnessing any of that fallout.

You should also be aware that “kids” of this age can get terribly lonely being away at school, and might fly back to live at your house again — on the spur of the moment. So, be sure to do your experimenting elsewhere.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have advice for “Too Young to Lose it.” That’s the woman whose family gave her a 60th birthday party and she suddenly felt her age — and sold off one of her two successful businesses. Miss L. advised her to start up another small business and gain back her feelings of self-worth and confidence. But I would suggest this: Consider volunteering.

I owned and operated a business that I retired from, and 100 per cent of the focus was on profit — keeping the enterprise thriving. It took me a while to divorce myself from focusing on profit, but It was something I wanted to do. I now only volunteer my (advisory) services, and mostly to charitable organizations.

I can offer a new and experienced set of eyes to groups and organizations. I’m lucky enough not to have to chase profit, and giving my services away where they are sorely needed is far, far more rewarding than just “making more money.”

— Happy Volunteer, Winnipeg

Dear Happy Volunteer: “Too Young to Lose It” might find purpose in volunteering in the future, but she was feeling the loss of structure, after too quickly selling off one of her successful businesses. She’d simply panicked.

Congratulations on the services you are providing to charities. Volunteering is great for someone who is ready to work at a more relaxed pace — and a pace they control. “Too Young” needed to jump right back in and realize she could still do well at something she loves.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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