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Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met my boyfriend at a St. Patrick’s Day pub party three years ago. He was looking pretty silly with his hat on crooked when I got there. I sipped green beer while I listened in and assessed him: he was cute, smart, funny — and three sheets to the wind! Later I drove him home and he sang me Irish songs all the way.

He’s been my sweetie ever since, and I love him. The only problem is he needs to propose to me now, but he hasn’t uttered a single word to that effect. His parents are from Ireland, and didn’t marry until he was their “on the way” baby so he doesn’t see any hurry.

Is there a hurry? He says I’m “the One,” but do I really need to get pregnant first to get us to the altar? If so, I refuse! Having said that, I’m not willing to break up with him to try to force him to come up with a proposal, but I’m feeling stuck.

— Stuck in Second Gear, Downtown

Dear Stuck: Shortly after this St. Patrick’s Day celebration, ask your man: “Have we gone as far as we’re going to go together?” It’s a fair question after three years. Don’t ask it in a threatening voice or with tears in your eyes. He may actually surprise you (and himself) with an instant proposal!

So, just ask him thoughtfully, and if he has no answer, you say, “I guess we’d better start thinking about it.” Committing to marriage is a big decision, but let him know gently three years is enough of “getting to know each other” — at least for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother practises his singing and extremely loud electric guitar-playing in his room. He’s in a band. He can keep a tune, but he’s very loud and he just screams. He isn’t very good as a front man, I don’t think.

I was so fed up with the noise at home the other day I blew my top and told him, “You’ll never be any good, so practising is a waste of time! I’m sick and tired of the noise, so shut the #$%& up!” Then I said, regrettably: “You’ll never be the star of anything!”

A while later I heard strange noises that sounded like crying. Now he’s not talking to me except for a few words when we’re eating dinner with our parents.

What should I do? The silence in this house is deafening. My brother’s not playing or singing anything anymore, and it’s so quiet you can hear the clock ticking. All I did was tell him the truth! When I asked him today why he’s not talking to me, he said, “You know why, you jerk!”

I need to say something to fix this, but how can I apologize for telling him the truth? I admit I’m not a musician and can’t carry a tune myself, but I recognize straight noise when I hear it. But now, the silence is worse than the music!

— Big Brother, River Heights

Dear Silence: The value of telling the honest truth about most people’s talent is greatly overrated. You can do a lot of damage with a few negative words — and it can last forever. You can’t afford to lose a brother over something you have the power to control. All you need is industrial-strength ear plugs or drummers’ headphones.

Music stores can advise you as to the type of headphones that will work for you. Really good ones can be pricey, but you’d pay much less for them secondhand. You can also find earplugs at work-equipment stores for anywhere from a few dollars to around $50.

But that’s not all you need to do, because hurtful emotional damage has already been done, you need to tell your brother: “I’m sorry I hurt you with my big mouth.” And add this: “I’m not a musician, and I hope you do well with your band. It’s only the volume I object to, but now I have earplugs and earphones for the quiet I need.” That apology won’t repair things 100 per cent, but it’ll help.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.