Lack of any love-letter response spells the end

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/05/2023 (1215 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is just back from university in another province and he’s working in Manitoba for the summer. I’ve been quizzing him on what he did at university during the year, and he says “nothing much” in a quick little way that tells me he’s lying his face off.

Two nights go he was dead tired and fell asleep and left his computer open. I took a look. It was a romantic message from a girl, referring to their sexy adventures, signed “All my love,” and a bunch of other lovey-dovey crap.

I printed off one copy for him and one copy for me to take. I left a message on his copy on his desk that said, “How long has this been going on?” and signed my name. Then I ran all the way home crying, and I almost got run over by a car!

It’s been almost three days since, and I haven’t heard one word from him. What should I do? I feel sick. Help me!

— Taken for a Ride, Fort Richmond

Dear Taken for a Ride: This boyfriend may think the letter you found was the “out” he needed — that it broke you up and maybe he wasn’t expected to say anything.

Good deal for him! But if you find you need an ugly scene to move past this, go for it! Real breakups are nasty but sometimes necessary.

You don’t have to make a polite appointment to get together. In fact, you might choose not to have the talk in person, and just call him.

To be well-prepared, write the things you need to know on a piece of paper so you can see the words through your tears and stress. Then phone him up and demand the answers you need to know. Put the most important questions to him first — in case he hangs up fast.

When the conversation comes to an end, cry your heart out and start to let go of the memories as best you can. That relationship is completely over and in the end, you are free of a liar and cheater.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Frankly, these days my girlfriend looks like a skeleton with a beautiful face. She’s great in bed, but bony — model-skinny. She likes the look, and she models in some fashion shows, now that COVID is letting up.

I find it a bit of a turn-off. I told her that last night when we were cuddling in bed at her place. I said I’d prefer it if she’d loosen up, eat some ice cream and gain 10-15 pounds so she’d have some curves, like other women.

She quickly turned her back on me, and became rigid and unresponsive. I said “I’m sorry!” and put my arms around her, but she slapped them away.

Then she got up, crying, and put on a nightgown and her bathrobe and went and lay down with her blanket in the living room.

I got up and went to her and she said, “Get out of my apartment and my life!” So, I got dressed and went home.

I wasn’t crying, not even sad. I was annoyed. What an over-reaction from her to my suggestion! Who wouldn’t want to get to eat ice cream and have fun letting go? Why did she throw such a stupid fit? She knows I love her, no matter what she looks like. What now? I can’t even get her on the phone.

— She’s Not Answering, Garden City

Dear Not Answering: The least intelligent thing people can do in their sex lives is tell their partners they don’t like their bodies. Then, self-consciousness — the very thing couples need least in their sex lives — becomes the biggest thing in their mind. They freeze up and freedom of bodily expression no longer exists.

So how do you get that back? If you’re lucky, a lot of apologizing and talking can help. However, your girlfriend may not believe your new line, no matter what it is. Don’t make the mistake of giving her the chance to critique your body in return. That’s a dangerous thing when the person you’ve insulted is looking for revenge.

It might take therapy to get over hearing her tell you about your own shortcomings!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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