Hubby’s shock disclosure truly turns the tables

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/05/2023 (1188 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a nice, predictable guy. My “other man” lives in the country, and I never know when he’s going to be in town. He just expects me to drop everything and meet him — and I do.

I was totally taken by surprise — completely shocked — when I found out my boring husband also has someone else! He told me a week ago, in what sounded like a rehearsed speech, that he’s “deeply in love with her.” He says he’s leaving me to be with her — and her three kids!

I fell onto a chair, and almost passed out. He said, “Don’t bother to fake it. l’ve known about your affair since the beginning. I had you followed.”

Followed? My mouth opened, but no more words came out. Now I’ve lost my husband who supported me and loved me, or so I thought. I called my lover soon after, and he said, “Good. Now you’re all mine.” I got a bad taste in my mouth. In fact, now I’m feeling a real distaste for him, when I need him most.

What’s happened? He’s the same guy, but I don’t feel the same. What am I supposed to do with my life now?

— Lost and Floating, St. Boniface

Dear Floating: Some people require the feeling of security at home in order to play games away from home. In your case, your husband was like the father of your household, and you were acting out the role of the rebellious daughter with a no-good boyfriend.

That game is over now, and you’re going to have to get a good job — or two — to support yourself. That won’t leave you the energy or patience for an arrogant and unpredictable lover. You’ll be amazed at how different he starts looking to you now — even physically.

Since you’ve lost your husband’s emotional and financial support, you may start feeling competitive with his new lady. Don’t make that mistake! It’s time to get the professional help you need to mature and stop playing games. Ask your physician to recommend a good psychologist, so you can get your life figured out now, and find a new path in love and life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: For some unknown reason, I felt I needed to drive up to the lake where I went as a kid with my parents and brothers. I just felt this inner command: “Go there now!”

When I arrived, I started driving up and down the little streets. Then I found a cute little cabin with a “for rent” sign on it. I copied down the information and drove over to the beach I used to know. I sat there completely happy watching the sun go down, and went home.

The next morning I phoned the number from the sign, and a guy answered, saying both of his names. I knew that guy from the beach when we were kids! We talked for half an hour. At his strong urging, I drove back up to the beach and rented the cottage from him. We talked and talked. We have just started “phone dating” for hours, at night.

After this, no one can convince me there aren’t such things as fate and destiny. Why else was I called upon go to the beach and see the sign? Do you think I’m nuts?

— New Believer, St. Vital

Dear New Believer: You’d be hard-pressed to find somebody who hasn’t had something “fateful” happen to them. The difference? Most people don’t actually follow the prompts that come from who-knows-where. In fact, they usually feel silly and just ignore them.

In this instance, the prompt was hard for you to ignore. Your memory and the warm weather were reminding you of happy times and good people at a lake that you knew. Granted, finding the “for rent” sign at your old friend’s cabin might have been a tad fateful. Write back and tell us how it goes with Beach Guy this summer!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography