Sharing sexual fantasies is no laughing matter

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/05/2023 (1194 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I told my new boyfriend about one of my kinky fantasies and now he makes jokes about it all the time. It wasn’t easy for me to talk about it, but I really love him, and I thought I could trust him. When I told him the details about it, he said it wasn’t his particular fantasy, but that everything was still all good between us. Right.

He hasn’t said anything to anyone else as far as I know, but he brings it up to tease me, and I blush. What should I say to him? We’ve only been together four months. If I can’t reveal all of my sexuality, are we doomed in the end?

— Regret Trusting Him, St. James

Dear Regret: Four months is a bit too short a time to develop the kind of trust you need. Plus, you know this particular guy will tease you about any sexual fantasy that makes him feel nervous. He’s a bad bet for you. The good news is that summer is coming, which is the best season of the year for finding new romance, if not love. Don’t waste more of your warm-weather time on him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was minding my own business, waiting for the self-checkout, when I felt a small hand slip into mine. I jumped about two feet in the air! It was the hand of my recent ex-girlfriend. We’re 17 and 18. I broke up with her a few weeks ago, because I’d gotten the job I really wanted working at a summer camp again.

We paid for our groceries and went out to my truck at her insistence to talk. I opened the door for her to jump in. She asked me to drive to the edge of the grocery store lot for our chat, and then she jumped me.

It was great, I’m not gonna lie, and I do still care about her, but I need to be free this summer at camp for a reason I can’t tell anyone. How should I handle this? My Winnipeg girl is still in love with me while I just like her a lot. She feels like a sex buddy to me. Please help me ASAP.

— No Longer Available to Her, Winnipeg

Dear No Longer Available: Since it’s obvious you want to romance someone who’s going to be at camp for the summer, you need to tell your parking lot sweetie that the recent truck incident was just casual.

In fact, you cannot see her anymore, because if you do, you can bet she’ll do her best to interfere with you and your honey at camp, as she’s a determined young woman.

Your safest bet is to tell her the truth over the phone. If you see her to say goodbye again, she’s going to play the same card as last time. So, dial her up ASAP, and once again declare yourself a free man by asking her plainly to leave you alone. Then stay away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I are in our early 30s and we don’t have any kids. You could say we live modern, adult lives, affording the things we’ve always wanted in life, sans children. The only thing that bugs me is that she has trouble seeing things from other people’s perspectives.

The fight we have all the time is that she doesn’t want me using my cellphone when we’re together. That would be fine if she extended me the same courtesy. Instead, she uses the phone as a way to get upset with me, even if I just glance at a message that comes in or check on the time. Meanwhile, she will often pick her phone up and text people.

When I ask her why she is allowed to do it and not me, she always says the same thing: “It’s different!” How is that at all different?

I used to think she didn’t want children because she was mature, and saw the world the same way as I do, but now I wonder if she’s just immature and a hypocrite. How do I get through to her? Is it possible?

— Looking for an Equal Deal, St. James

Dear Looking for Equal Deal: It’s likely your wife uses that line because she enjoys doing exactly what she wants, when she wants. She knows that when she pushes back, you’ll just fold. The next time this issue comes up, surprise her by saying: “Tell me three ways it’s different for me to be on my phone.” If she has no real reply, you have your answer.

As for the maturity issue, having no children so you can afford all the material things you want was a decision you both made. That means you two don’t have to do a lot of sharing, taking turns or making room for different personalities in your home. Did you not agree to this life decision? If you did, then you can’t throw that in your wife’s face.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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