Don’t make big hairy deal of son’s bonehead move

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This article was published 30/05/2023 (1199 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son and his two buddies shaved their hair right off! My son had thick, black, beautiful, curly hair. Now he has none. It looks terrible. My eyes filled with tears when I first saw it. I couldn’t help it!

This morning he saw me staring at him, and quickly averted his eyes, saying, “I know, Mom. I hate it too! I’m growing it back.” Then he took out a dirty old baseball cap — and it fell down to his ears without any hair! Then I really cried. How do I handle this?

— Shocked Mama, St. Vital

Dear Shocked: Your son’s hair won’t grow back any faster if you berate him. Try to imagine the future and your son telling the story of shaving his head and what you kindly said to help him get past it — even though you were shocked. Then, play that role by saying in a quiet voice, “Luckily, it will grow back. It’s going to be OK, dear — it’s just hair.”

You have your son, safe and sound, and the hair has already started growing back at about an inch a month — if that’s any consolation.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has invited my young family to the lake for another week this summer. No! Our last experience was horrible!

Grandma always takes over my role as mother, saying to my kids, “Your mother hasn’t got a clue about baking cookies or swimming off the dock or driving a boat.” She undermines me!

A few days ago, I refused her invitation for this summer. “No way!” I burst out and said. There have been tears since — from her! She also called the kids privately, and told them they’d not be getting any lake time this year, if they didn’t convince their “selfish mother” to let them come on their own.

Both my husband and I are furious! For one thing, I don’t want my kids to pick up any more of Grandma’s nasty, disrespectful attitude towards me, and she’d definitely “work it” this year. What can we do? The problem is not a matter of money to get the kids to the lake for a week — we have enough. It’s about steadying the dangerously rocking boat in this family.

— Tearing My Hair Out, Selkirk

Dear Tearing: Most families who can afford it rent cottages on their own, to avoid family problems. Starting this summer, book a week or two at another lake and show yourself, the kids and Grandma there’s a good alternative to her cottage.

If she apologizes and invites you down, agree to one weekend, arriving early Saturday and leaving Sunday by dinner time. No matter what happens in two short days, you’ll probably be OK. Be upfront on the phone about why you’re coming for such a short time, and if your mother blasts you again, don’t go at all this year. You might also want to talk to a psychologist about your summertime family blues.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m recovering from an operation and my doctors are happy I’m going at a slow, steady pace at home. My wife is not so happy. She wants our sex life back. She said a few nights ago, “It’s been a loooong time.” My response was “Use your sex toys, honey!” She didn’t laugh.

Then yesterday I heard a rumour from my best friend about the guy who’s here doing yard and pool work — and my wife who hired him. I laughed it off, but my wife knew him “from before” and she says he’s “great at everything.” I now see my wife’s comments as a kind of low-level warning, and I don’t take intimidation lightly.

I have a beautiful ex-girlfriend, who is now truly just a friend. I thought of inviting her over to see our pool. I could possibly show my wife two can play this game. But would that help?

— Recovering Slowly, River Heights

Dear Recovering: Don’t invite the old girlfriend over. However, next time Pool Guy is coming over, jokingly ask if you should invite your old ex over for a swim. Give your wife the message that if there’s any sexual mischief going on, you’re not blind to it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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