Independence the cure for brother’s meddling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/07/2023 (1116 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My only brother has always tried to intimidate guys I start to date. I’m 22, and now he’s done serious damage! He just chased another guy out of my life — one I really care for — and this time it happened while he was at our house meeting my parents.

I’d invited this wonderful man — age 25, smart, good job, loves his family, nice looking — for Sunday family dinner, after dating him for a month.

My brother — who has never had a job — was there, and was totally rude to my guest in front of my family at dinner. He was asking him seriously embarrassing questions at the table about “his race” and “his beliefs,” as though his Mennonite family were aliens.

After dinner, my boyfriend quickly said, “Thanks for dinner and goodbye,” and turned to go. I tried desperately to reassure him things would be OK, but he told me on the front steps he wouldn’t be calling me again, as he “didn’t want to cause problems with my family.” He was gone fast, just like my former boyfriends.

I know my brother likes an excuse to feel tough, and takes every opportunity when he knows there can’t be an actual physical fight. This time I told him off, in a screaming voice I didn’t even recognize. My parents just stood there, my mother crying about her family falling apart!

How do I prevent this kind of scene from happening again? I’m seriously considering moving out with a girlfriend from work, who has asked me. What do you think I should I do?

— Eldest Daughter, West End

Dear Eldest: Your brother is jealous of your ability to attract relationships, since he doesn’t possess the pleasing personality to find his own. Though somebody needs to leave the family home, you can bet he won’t be the one doing it. That means you’ll have to move out with a girlfriend, as it may be the only way you’ll be able to build a new relationship, find love, make a home and start a family, if that’s what you want.

So, call your girlfriend and get started on the project. It’ll be messy in the beginning with the family, as they will be embarrassed, but it could turn out really well for you in the end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:A letter arrived at our home in the city for my lesbian wife, from a woman whose name I didn’t recognize. I took it to the lake and my wife grabbed it and ran off to the sunroom to read it. She carried it in her shirt pocket for two days. I asked her who it was from, and she said, “Oh, just an old friend.” She didn’t say another word about it, or give me a name.

I got really curious. Later, I went looking for the letter, and found it stuffed down the sunroom loveseat. It was a soppy, remorseful love letter from the woman who’d been my wife’s lover in university, and she was free again. She wanted to send my wife a plane ticket! What?! When she got back to the cabin, I confronted her.

She said, “You had no business getting into my private life.”

I said, “I thought your private life was me!” and she replied, “That was before…” and didn’t go on. “Before what? That recent letter?” I asked. “What was I, the handy substitute you married for revenge?”

Now my wife and I are barely talking on our holiday. She keeps going off in her car. Please help.

— Out in the Cold, Clear Lake

Dear Out in the Cold: Since you know the exact words of that soppy letter, you have two possibilities for action: First, drive back home yourself and let your wife see what she may be losing by entertaining this old lover. The second option is to fight it out at the lake, starting with the inside information from the letter. That’d be your best choice because driving home without her might encourage your wife to get on a plane and actually go see this former lover.

She’d be thinking, “Why not? I have nothing to lose!” Fight for her if you really want her! Let her know how much you really love her, and exactly what she has to lose.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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