Don’t let brother’s date play manipulative games

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This article was published 18/10/2023 (1029 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My younger brother is dating a girl who is so extremely hot, I can’t even form sentences around her! The other day she confronted me, when he wasn’t around, to try to get me to admit I think she’s hot. She didn’t kiss me or anything, but she leaned in and tried to tempt fate.

I have to say I think she is legit crazy! I worry about my brother because he has been making some weird decisions ever since she came along, like doing some bad drugs again. He thinks I can’t tell, but I can, and I live with him.

How can I warn him? He won’t believe me, because he has blinders on. This girl is scary hot, if you know what I mean. Although I know he’s had sex before, he’s definitely under her spell!

— Worried for My Bro, North Kildonan

Dear Worried: For a determined young woman who’s into the power of her strong sexuality, the ultimate goal may be to ensnare both of you and pit you against one another.

The ego of a young woman like this may seem big, but it can be punctured by someone who isn’t buying into her moves. Let her know clearly you’re onto her game, that you will not be affected and that you want her out of your realm!

When she‘s only left with only one brother — and the weaker one at that — she will hopefully go hunting elsewhere where she can totally rule. That’s what she loves!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has another woman who’s a lot older than me — by 13 years. She has no children and runs his office.

I work from home and have two little kids from my first marriage. I’m too dog-tired to go anywhere at night.

“You’re no fun anymore!” my husband finally said to me. Weirdly, the tensions relaxed after he said that. Then I found out why. This woman has started hanging around with him and is a big pool player like he is. He says she’s “just a friend, and too old for me anyway.”

Ha! I continued to worry. Then I got a babysitter and went to the bar where he said they were going “to practise pool.” My husband’s truck was missing!

I know where she lives, so off I went. His truck was parked over there all right. I went to the door and rang the freakin’ door bell 20 times! My husband didn’t answer his phone, nor did he come home all night.

The next day he said he was so mad at me for following him, he stayed there on her couch. Yeah, right. I called my old divorce lawyer, from when I was married in my 20s.

Miss L., how did I get two losers for husbands? Do I have no ability to sniff out a bad guy?

What is wrong with me? I don’t trust myself to ever marry again.

— Alone All Over Again, North End

Dear Alone Again: You’d benefit greatly by getting counselling around the kind of men you are still attracted to.

Most women go through developmental stages where they’re attracted to different kinds of guys, and mature during the process. Hopefully one day, they end up marrying a man who is a warm and loving husband, provides at least half of the family income, and is loyal and true.

Sadly, as in your case, many young women don’t make it past the first kind of guys they were sexually attracted to. With counselling and dating a different kind of man, you may one day find the loving adult relationship you and the kids could really enjoy.

So, take a big breath! It’s time for you to give yourself a complete break from having a live-in partner. Your children also need a spell of relative peace and steadiness in their home — with a happy, stable mother.

If you start dating casually and having some fun, that fun is solely for you at the fellow’s place, or it could happen when the kids are visiting their birth father or grand-parents. Everybody — kids included — needs a rest from the merry-go-round you’ve been on.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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