Do the right thing before pursuing old love again

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/12/2023 (981 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend wants to get engaged at Christmas, but I don’t!

I have a big problem to resolve first: My high school love phoned me three nights ago to say she’s completing her education in Ontario early, and is moving back here for a good job, which starts in January.

I said, “Remember, I have a girlfriend here who’s very serious about me!” and her response was, “And are you that serious about her?”

She waited for the answer, and I couldn’t truthfully say yes.

Just before hanging up, she said something that really made me laugh, and I remembered why I loved her so much.

She said, “Put that girl off until Valentine’s Day. I’m going to give her a fight for her money!” What do you think about this? Help!

— In With The Old, Out With The New?

Dear In-Out: You should never marry anyone unless you’re dying to, and you know you love them deeply and want a real future together. You owe it to the present girlfriend to let her know you’re not in that head-and-heart space with her.

As for the ex-girlfriend who’s moving back and wants to be reinstated as your No. 1 love, don’t be blown over by her bravado! You two broke up once before, and have stayed that way.

Review the things that broke you up — other than her need for a specific education elsewhere — and see if the problems have resolved themselves once she’s been back for a while. She may not be “it” either. The real answer may be behind door No. 3. — an unknown!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I used to have a private life when my wife worked across town, but now she’s retired and back home full-time. She got a really good pension — no need to work another day — but now she’s underfoot all the time.

I started having a great life the day I retired six years ago, including some casino gambling, poker with the guys, trips to Vegas, the horses — life has been a lot of fun. But now my wife is all over me like a rash! She wants me to go shopping with her in the States, buy tickets with her to concerts, redecorate the house together — all these things she’s been wanting for 10 years.

Truth be told, too much togetherness with anyone makes me uneasy. I don’t really like being around my wife 24-7. Also, she doesn’t seem to have any retired and available friends. Last night I said, “If you’re so bored, why don’t you get yourself another job?”

Then the tears started, and she said, “Maybe you and I aren’t suited anymore. The things you want to do, are all with men, and it’s all gambling. You’re addicted!”

I started to argue, but what could I say? She’s right. I don’t like girly things and I really like my retired gambling lifestyle, and I haven’t lost heavily so far. I have no intention of giving up my buddies and our activities, both here and in Vegas.

Still, I don’t want my wife to leave me. l’ve loved her for years and have never cheated. Can’t she find other things to do without me?

— Frustrated With Newly-Retired Wife

Dear Frustrated: You and your wife are at a crisis point now. Love runs on fuel and you have stopped fuelling the relationship from your side. Your wife is dangerously lonely and standing at the door of your home wondering what to do with you. She may insist on relationship counselling, or she might just walk away someday!

Try to imagine this scenario before it’s too late: You come home and your wife is not there. The house is dead quiet — no music, no one to talk to, no smell of cooking, not much in the fridge, no sounds. You want to stop this before it happens? Contact Gamblers Anonymous online at http://wfp.to/6yA or on their hotline (855-222-5542).

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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