Boyfriend invite doesn’t bode well for girl time

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This article was published 28/12/2023 (1009 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m going to Mexico with some girlfriends in January, but now something has gone sour. I just found out one of them went and invited her boyfriend to be down there at the same time! He’s staying at the neighbouring resort, by himself.

It’s not that we had a rule against this, but it’s just understood, and we know he’s going to be picking her up at our resort. I hate this, as we lose our feeling of total freedom on a girlfriends’ holiday. Guys would never go on a trip together and have a girlfriend invited down to be staying right next door!

It’s not like we’re looking to cheat on our guys back here in Canada. It’s just that we’re looking for privacy and nobody to dampen the spirits of girlfriends on a fun adventure together. Why would she do this to us?

— Not Impressed! South Winnipeg

Dear Not Impressed: There are three likely scenarios: This girlfriend is under her boyfriend’s thumb and wouldn’t be “allowed” to go at all, if he were not next door, keeping an eye on her. Secondly, she isn’t sure she wants to be with only your female gang for the whole time. This gives her a way to bail out and enjoy the rest of a holiday with her boyfriend in a tropical setting. Finally, it could be a combination of both reasons. If that’s the case, you can expect her to jump resorts after a couple of days.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend, who moved in with me recently, seemed to be going nuts shopping before my birthday. I recognized bags from a shop she knows I really like.

I couldn’t help myself and had a little snoop, and found something strange — doubles of two styles of men’s shirts — in two very different sizes — medium and extra large. They were exactly what I like — an Asian-style shirt in black with mandarin collar and a silver and gold design.

I couldn’t stay quiet about it, so I confessed I snooped, and asked her what was up with the four shirts. She was not just annoyed, but nervous. A few long minutes later, she said without looking me in the eye: “That’s how I’m dealing with my strong desire to give to charity this year.”

Like the bad liar I know her to be, she felt the need to add more. So she said she was “taking the shirts down to places that help new immigrants from war-torn countries.” What bull! She’s not that type — she has never given to any charity that I know of, even when I do it.

I said, “When you’re ready to tell me the truth, I’d be glad to hear it.”

She just stomped out of the room, and so far — many days later— she’s said nothing. Why would she buy doubles of shirts I’d really like, unless she was planning to also give them to another guy? I have an idea who that might be — this guy she’s always hanging with and claims is her “platonic” friend. I’m upset.

— Suspicious Mind, Tuxedo

Dear Suspicious: There’s a small chance of this — she may have bought the shirts thinking it’d be “cute” to wear twin shirts now you’re living together as a couple. She might have fessed up to that, if the situation were so simple. But it got worse when you skewered her over their very existence. She spun the first lie she could think of that might make her look good.

Then both of you went underground, and you’re feeling miserable.

It’s time to ask nicely for a conference on the truth about the mystery shirts. You don’t have to say much, except that you’d ”like to iron out the problem and get back to being happy.” Plus, the four shirts are still sitting there, driving you both crazy. It’s time to give her the benefit of the doubt, be kind instead of cross, and see what happens.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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