Intimate triangle tough to square with new date

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This article was published 20/04/2024 (854 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m in a complicated relationship with a couple. I was friends with them both, and then we all drank too much champagne and they invited me to join them for a sexy experiment. I did and it was great.

Later on, I was surprised they wanted more to do with me past just the experimentation. I’m not sure what to do about the new relationship, which continues.

Now there’s a new woman in my life who wants only me alone. I was honest with her about my triangle situation. She asked me to end my relationship with the couple and to call her again when I did that. Why would I do that when I hardly know her?

— Confused, But Wanting Her, Fort Richmond

Dear Confused: File this new woman’s phone number away for now. Tell her you’ll be happy to give her a call, should you become totally free and are not seeing anybody else.

Then do not keep chatting with her, like you’re trying to hang on, or she won’t be intrigued when you do finally call for a date. That’s dating politics for you — composed of little power dances.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend and I are on the brink of breaking up because of her stupid summer cabin project. That’s her real love, not me. She had been interested and available since we met in the fall, but now her love for me seems to have flown.

It seems her real love is her parents’ old cabin that she inherited after they died. She’s doing it up as “Ye Olde Log Cabin” with an old-timey sign hanging outside. Give me a break.

I’m not really impressed by cabins of any kind that eat up the lives of people. Why would we not just go to my girlfriend’s cabin, blow off the cobwebs and enjoy swimming, fishing, making love on the dock and whatever? But that’s not good enough for her. Now she wants me to go shopping after work to help her buy building materials for the weekends. I’m her cheap-as-borscht labourer, I guess.

Last weekend I lost it. I dug in my heels and refused to go out to her cabin and work for her. She acted like she couldn’t care less. I had thought this relationship was “big time” and we had both finally found somebody great to love.

— Love Going Under? North Kildonan

Dear Love Going Under: The cabin is a passion project with deep emotional ties to your mate’s youth and her family summers. You received her total attention before the snow melted, but now you may have to share this complicated renovation to keep her.

You two need to find a compromise and fast. Here’s a possibility — work on the cabin only on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Then you’re both free to go swimming and enjoy the beautiful lake afternoons and evenings. Run the idea past your girlfriend, and study her face. If she sees the idea as losing time on her project, you might want to voluntarily lose her to a guy who enjoys building all weekend at the lake — for a little affection.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just sneaked a look at my boyfriend’s little black book. He keeps track of how often he’s gambling and what he makes.

I woke him up right away and read the gambling notes in his face. He said in a cool voice that I shouldn’t be upset and he wasn’t addicted.

I know he used to be. He’s certainly not above hiding bad things. Should his new gambling upset me so much?

— Worried Sick, West Broadway

Dear Worried Sick: Look, he’s not about to listen to you, so run. Addictions “run people” quite handily. Your boyfriend may not realize yet, but he can’t dabble in his addiction and get away with it. The worst-case scenario is he could soon be begging you to give him big sums for his gambling debts or he’s going to have his face rearranged.

So, get out of the relationship before your boyfriend gets himself into trouble and desperately starts needing money he doesn’t have.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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