Animals are just too close for romantic comfort

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This article was published 29/05/2024 (820 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I grew up lonely. I vowed to marry into a big, warm rural family and have lots of brothers- and sisters-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins — the works. I managed to do that! The trouble is this big family lives close to one another in the country, and they’re all animal lovers. Our big old country home is constantly overflowing with people, everybody’s pets and anything that wanders out of the woods.

In some ways I love it — I’m never lonely — but things have come to a head. I’m tired of being No. 17 in line to get love and affection from my wife! Having sex with her is no problem — she loves it. I feel embarrassed saying this as a guy, but I am missing the love-and-romance stuff. For instance, I want more warm-up romantic time, and I do not want animals watching us anymore!

I try to boot them all out of the bedroom when my wife wants to make love, but a couple of animals who are super-attached to her will actually stand and whine pitifully at the door, like they’re worried I’m hurting her! Then, sex becomes a get-it-over-with affair. See my problem? Help please!

— Missing Romance, rural Manitoba

Dear Missing Romance: Start introducing “evening treat time” in a room other than your bedroom, when you want to be alone for lovemaking. Buy the big bones or chews that take more time your pets to work on.

Also, some people on rural properties build three-season playhouses for adults, across the yard from the house. This’d be great for a guy like you. Just leave your animals in the main house, and have some uninhibited fun and romance with your wife!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We just bought a cabin and I’m worried sick we’re not concentrating on the real problem at hand — finally making a baby! We’ve been married five years now, and haven’t been able to get pregnant using no birth control. We had a huge fight last week about this disappointment — for me, mainly.

When we made up, we decided to stop focusing on our lack of kids and enjoy having a new cabin at the beach. Ha! That’s working for my husband, who’s doing a lot of renovating with his guy friends, but it’s not working for me! I feel my husband has totally lost interest in the baby-making project now he’s so turned on by his stupid hammers and saws!

He says it’s hard to be enthusiastic, when sex has become a science experiment he keeps failing at. He said he hates my fertility calendars with the best dates circled in red. Last night he told me I needed a more interesting hobby. Hobby? I was so mad, I drove back to the city crying. I’m at a loss. What more can we do?

— No Baby in Five Years, East Kildonan

Dear No Baby: Since conceiving a child together has been the major point for you in recent years, you need to look at the bigger picture emerging — a strained marriage. You could lose your husband if you keep at him like this. That means you taking a break from five years of trying to get pregnant, perhaps permanently.

This summer, calm things down from your side, by considering other options — like adoption. Do you think a baby you two raise really has to share your blood? If so, try counselling to see if maybe those beliefs/feelings could change. That could relieve the pressure, stop the fighting and bring your happy marriage back. Then you and your man could possibly adopt a child.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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