Just be there and be positive for marathoner mate

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/06/2024 (861 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a lazy slug and the love of my life — also a guy — is a competitive long-distance runner — a marathoner. I usually don’t go out to the “scene of the crime” on race days. Instead, I worry myself sick he’s going to drop dead by the end!

This year is different. I finally broke down and agreed to come out and cheer for him. But I’m going to need advice on something. What are the best things to do for him, especially at the end when he’ll be lying there, barely breathing!

— Marathon Guy’s Partner, Winnipeg

Dear Partner: First rule? No mention of “death” from now until the race’s end! Be positive for him.

Holding a colourful sign, big enough for him to easily see and recognize as yours along the route, will give him a real lift. At the end, cheerfully congratulate him, offer him more water and just be there in a supportive way, talking about the race. No comments like, “At least you made it to the end alive!”

Speaking of the end, aside from refreshments, towels and other comforts, experienced marathon runners say they’re often feeling spacey at the end. They need their partner to sit on the grass with them, engage in some light chat and let them come back down to Earth.

Also, be sure try to have a car — or a friend with one — parked nearby to take you two home, when your man says he’s ready. You must know exactly where it’s parked. This is not the time for wandering around a hot parking lot, looking for a vehicle. Good luck! You may even enjoy this event.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my old boyfriend at an out-of-province wedding, and we were drawn to each other intensely. I’m newly-divorced and flew in for the wedding alone. He came to the wedding without his newest wife, because she can’t stand the groom.

We both got a little tipsy and wandered outside the dining room. He ended up finding a little place in the hotel after the dinner, where we could embrace — and then we snuck up to my room for a while. We just clicked! It was sweet, and it felt like the best of old times.

But that doesn’t change the fact he’s married, even though he was “flying solo” that day. The thing is, I can’t get over him, now we’re both back in Winnipeg — and he can’t get over me, either.

We talk on the phone all the time and sometimes meet in little out-of-the-way parks. I don’t have a partner anymore, so I have no shame on my side, but he feels guilt because he still has a wife. So two days ago he said, “No more contact with each other.”

Yesterday, I stayed home from work, and cried all day. Then he called, and said he was sorry, and that he couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing me again. I still love him, and he says he loves me, and always has.

This is such a terrible mess. Can couples who are not supposed to be together, like us, still go for couples counselling? We need something in a hurry.

— So Mixed Up, Manitoba

Dear Mixed Up: Most relationship counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists and even some religious counsellors have occasionally seen pairs who “shouldn’t” be together. In your case, you’re free and this guy is not, but he still wants to see you. So, yes, it’s a mess, and counselling could help.

It’s interesting this fellow thinks you should be feeling guilty for robbing his wife of her husband. Think about that for a bit. Do you really want a guy who can’t take responsibility for his own feelings and actions?

It’s really time for you to look for a single, available guy who’s compatible, intelligent, sexy and honest — and try to match him with those traits yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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