Don’t downplay your dog’s stress over daycare

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This article was published 12/07/2024 (811 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We take our canine to a “doggie daycare” and it used to be his favourite thing in the world. He recently stopped wanting to go and is quite upset. And suddenly, he’s refusing to get out of the car when it’s time to drop him off.

I asked the staff if something happened, and they claim they have no idea why this sudden change in behaviour has happened.

I’m really skeptical. Dogs don’t just suddenly act traumatized for no reason and I have a sweet, good-natured dog.

They say maybe we “aren’t spending enough time with him and he just doesn’t want to leave us, so he acts frightened as we approach the place.” But we have spent exactly the same amount of time with him recently as we always do! Now he doesn’t want to go in their door.

This daycare is super-conveniently located near our home. We don’t have a good alternative and I don’t want to leave our fur baby at home alone all day.

Any advice for how I can get the truth out of the staff, or at least find a place we can start trusting again?

— Upset ‘Parents,’ Winnipeg

Dear Upset Parents: The only way your dog can tell you something has changed and he’s suddenly having an unhappy experience is to pull back and refuse to get out of the car. And he’s doing that!

Don’t put convenience of location ahead of his safety and happiness — for eight or nine hours a day. If you can’t find a better daycare for your dog that’s a little further away, at least find a private home he go to — possibly a neighbour you trust, some good friends or a relative.

Then both you and your doggie can relax again and enjoy life during the long work day.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m angry all the time at the drop of a hat over the most minor of inconveniences. I fly off the handle for what feels like no reason. I don’t feel like I’m in control.

I don’t like being angry, but I’ve been accused by a friend who said I seem to “enjoy” the feeling.

I must admit recently that I seem to be looking for reasons to get angry.

It seems like my personality has become like a lily pad sitting on top of a pool of bubbling lava. I try so hard to keep it from coming through, and I want to work through it, but I have no idea what I’m even angry about.

— Scared of Myself, Winnipeg

Dear Scared: A counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist could help you face down your demons, and cool the anger that is worrying you and the people around you.

But first, see your regular doctor to see if there’s something wrong physically. You need to tell your physician about the anger that feels out of control.

Be honest about feeling like you’re about to erupt, and that you’re actually frightened of your own feelings now.

You may be prescribed medication to calm you at first. But no matter what, try to get into intensive counselling as soon as possible, to sort out your anger.

It can be costly, but the Men’s Resource Centre (streetconnections.ca/locations/mens-resource-centre-of-manitoba) is an organization that knows what’s available and affordable in the city.

Also you can get a list online of free or low-cost counselling in the city at opencounseling.com/manitoba/winnipeg. If you are currently working, you may be able to access counselling through your employee assistance program.

I commend you for writing in about this matter, rather than hiding it. There is good help available, and you will benefit by it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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