Be tactful if you hold out hope with hubby

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/09/2024 (715 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my new husband got home from a 10-day work-related road trip, he suspiciously refused to sleep with me for the whole first week back. At first, he said he was “feeling ill” with no details and he went and slept in the spare bedroom. But he still went to work every day as usual, saying they were short-staffed and he couldn’t afford to lose his job.

He didn’t tell me anything about his “illness,” except that his skin could infect my skin. What? He didn’t name the infection and he wasn’t scratching. I was afraid to ask any more!

After the week was out, he was ready to cuddle but I wasn’t. I’m not a fool. I’m guessing he was waiting for something — like test results or medication to take effect.

He was a wild man just turning 40 when I first met him and he fell head-over-heels in love with me and wanted to get married right away. However, things have cooled off after a couple years of marriage and we haven’t had kids — something he said he really wanted. I sense he’s grown restless.

We’re back in the same bed now, but neither one of us is reaching out sexually. Where the heck do we go from here? I still do love him.

— Fretting Wife, Westwood

Dear Fretting: A guy who travels for work may have opportunities to cheat, but you shouldn’t jump to conclusions, as you could be incorrect. There’s nothing that turns a partner off a relationship faster than being wrongfully accused.

You need to communicate honestly now. Forget sitting and staring at each other for a big talk, as that can really shut people down — especially if they’re guilty!

But you can sometimes go for an evening walk and get important things out. If you can get your man to join you, just walk casually and comment on the passing sights — houses, birds, the clouds, innocuous stuff. Then say casually as you keep walking, “So, what all did you do on your trip?”

You might also ask quietly, “Is there something wrong physically?” or “Did you see a doctor when you were away. If so, why?”

If that line of questioning is not going anywhere, ask “Is there something wrong in our relationship we should be talking about?”

Then finally ask the big question: “Is there someone else you’re seeing?”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I are in the same high school for Grade 12, our last year — which is great. But his first girlfriend’s family has just moved back to Winnipeg. They’re living in our general neighbourhood again.

I found out through my spies that her parents have enrolled her in a special girls’ high school to keep her away from him if they can.

I am terrified! He’s a very sexy guy, with real experience since Grade 9. I love him so much already! How do I keep him away from her? She will come after him, no doubt!. What can I do?

— Terrified of Losing Love, Winnipeg

Dear Terrified: Talk to your guy openly about his ex-girlfriend’s arrival back in town. Ask him how he feels about it. Watch his face closely to read the truth.

He may tell you he “couldn’t care less about her” and it will ring true — or his body language may tell you otherwise.

Even if he still cares about her, she may have moved on. You may not be at risk of losing this guy, without even having to plan any kind of defence.

So be yourself this fall, and try not to show your insecurity. That’s your best chance for keeping him close. PS: Be very careful about birth control.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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