Trip with daughter could launch new adventure

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This article was published 14/09/2024 (748 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My child came back looking for me this summer — and we’ve found a deep connection.

Her mother ended our teenage marriage and went back to her parents in Newfoundland where the family brought up the little girl we had conceived.

My 17-year-old daughter — who is now a fantastic grown young woman — saved up her money and flew to see me this summer. She met my wife, our kids and the rest of the relatives she never knew. We showed her a wonderful summer in Manitoba, visiting a ton of beaches and festivals.

She doesn’t want to go back to her mother and the eastern crew yet, but they are beating their drums.

I’m considering accompanying her on the cross-country trip back to her family, but that would involve seeing my ex-wife and her husband face-to-face at the end. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

My ex is really a stranger to me. We haven’t seen each other since we were teenagers, but have talked on the phone this summer. What do you think?

— ‘New’ Dad, Selkirk

Dear ‘New’ Dad: Be brave and just do it. However, make this return voyage to the East Coast all about your daughter’s comfort. For instance, forget any ideas about a car trip across the provinces. You don’t want to arrive feeling cranky and carsick.

Why not consider flying to the East Coast, and then renting a car when you land? It would be fun and would give you freedom to run about and see some of the sights with your daughter. Some of your ex-wife’s family might even want to show you around.

Who knows? You may even like your ex and her husband, which would be a big bonus for future visits with your daughter.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Summer’s gone, and with it went the best lover of my life. He was in the province to work on a special project and now he’s gone back home.

Last night I broke down and called to ask him when we could see each other again. He said that wasn’t possible and asked sarcastically if I forgot that he had an important relationship at home.

I told him of course I didn’t forget, but needed to know why he loved her more than he loved me.

He said coldly that it was like they were married, since they lived together, had a lot in common, know all the same people and he respected her.

Then he laughed, as if he’d won an argument.

He may have respected her, but he was cheating on her with me. Last night I tried to talk to him again, but he ignored me. He won’t pick up my calls anymore. Now what can I do?

— Feeling Rejected, Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Rejected: Sometimes you just have to move on after a relationship ends, especially if the person rejecting you has gone back to another partner and has made it plain they don’t want to see you.

You can continue to call his number and fuss, and possibly get this guy in big trouble with his woman back home, but why bother?

The bottom line is this summer guy is absolutely finished with you and has gone back home to the woman he wants more than you. What exactly are you missing so much about this guy, who’s clearly rejecting you and also has no problem cheating on a partner?

Your best bet is to talk with a relationship counsellor who will help you get all your hurt and anger out. You also need someone to work with you on the reasons why you are so persistent in wanting to continue this summer fling. Learning to accept a refusal and moving on to someone who will love you more is all-important in succeeding at the game of love.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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