Hubby’s flirty ‘adviser’ act likely down to insecurity

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This article was published 02/10/2024 (685 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My middle-aged husband thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and is trying to act like a cool adviser to the young things he spots. It’s nauseating!

All summer I’ve seen him offering to help young women in bookshops, supermarkets, hardware stores — you name it. He’s just looking for some young thing to talk to, if you ask me.

Plus, he’s quite the actor with these women, I’ll give him that. We used to attend improv classes in theatre school together. He can just fake that he knows everything about everything. Last week I decided to confront him, so I told him I’d noticed him trying to impress woman in stores, pointed out that he never breaks character as their experienced adviser.

Then I asked him how he’d feel if I was flirting, say, with a hot-looking young guy who asked me which peach he should choose.

He just tipped back his head and laughed away. He said, “I wondered how long it’d take you to catch on. Admit it, you’re jealous! Want to make it a contest?” I don’t need a stupid flirting contest.

I feel disgusted knowing he set out purposely to make me jealous. Why would a marriage partner knowingly want to hurt your feelings?

— Disgusted, St. Boniface

Dear Disgusted: Your husband was trying to make you jealous because he’s feeling insecure. Some people, who are doubting their own attractiveness in a marriage may feel like hot stuff for a short time after flirting with a stranger who responds. What they really need is to turn around and do the necessary repair job with their actual partner to start feeling really happy together again. Then the physical and emotional attraction can flare up again.

You and your man are at odds right now, but some important new information has come into play, and you can start using. So write him a list of five things you find sexy and attractive about him, and ask him to do the same for you. That will boost self-esteem levels for both of you, and help you to start relaxing and appreciating each other again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend has started singing in German whenever she’s working around the house. She’s not a good singer, but she’s a loud one and she loves German opera. The whole neighbourhood can hear her!

I’d never say this to her, but I’d like her to keep her singing down to a level so no one else but poor me can hear her when she’s warbling away in our house.

— Embarrassed, St. Vital

Dear Embarrassed: Good luck with that! Denigrating someone’s singing voice can shut them down and make them feel unattractive and awkward.

Since your partner loves music, start honouring that aspect of her life by taking her out to more concerts and musical theatre. Encourage her to buy music in different forms, and offer to pay for singing lessons, in German, Italian or English, lessons that will help her operatic voice. She will love you for it, and her voice will improve!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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