Time to pull the plug after hubby’s drunk dialling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/01/2025 (567 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The holidays were a bad joke for me. My unemployed alcoholic husband, who “checked out” of our love relationship a long time ago, got really drunk. He actually started an argument at our small family New Year’s Eve dinner, and made the kids cry.

Then he staggered upstairs where he lost it completely and phoned my boss’s work line. Of course, my boss wasn’t there, but my drunk husband left him a voicemail about how much I hate the way he treats me “at my stupid job.” Then he passed out on our bed.

Needless to say, once I got back to work this week, my boss asked me to meet him in his office. Then he hit the voicemail button and played back the message from my husband. I broke down crying. I told him how much I hated my husband — not my job!

I told him I feel trapped in the marriage because we have two children, and I love our kids more than anything. Thankfully, my boss is a good guy and told me he understands I’m “going through something,” but told me the situation could not happen again, or that would be it.

I assured him it wouldn’t. I know I need to file for divorce, but I’m so scared of the process — the lawyer’s costs, the physical breakup of the family and the kids possibly losing the home they love and know.

I told my husband about what my boss said. He actually cried and apologized, but that didn’t even melt me. I’ve been mostly polite and silent, and I’ve started sleeping in the basement bedroom with the door locked. I don’t want my husband anywhere near me.

Get this, though: He still walks around with a beer in his hand when I’m at home. “I can handle one beer,” he says. We are so done as a couple — my feelings are completely gone.

The fact he could try to ruin me at my job, was the final straw for me, but what is my next step? I need a plan, but I’m so messed up I can’t seem to make one.

— In Pieces, St.James

Dear In Pieces: No wonder you’re sleeping in the basement bedroom behind a locked door. What your husband did to endanger your job and the means to support your family was the end for you. It was as catastrophic as an act of violence.

Now it’s time to quietly find a lawyer, and make a plan to move forward. It might make sense for you to fight to keep the house for the kids. If you can’t afford that, embrace a new place as a clean new start — it might be good for both you and the children.

When some couples split up, they report being surprisingly happy with their new digs, even if they’re smaller and less fancy. Why? There’s no tension, and they can start making happy new memories in a new place.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got home from a business trip to Vancouver where I used to live and work. I was at a big conference and it was an amazing way to kick off 2025, including a New Year’s Eve party.

An attractive woman I know who’s always been “out” as a lesbian was at the soirée. She didn’t know I had a thing for her, when I lived out west. (I’m a woman and was dating a guy at the time.)

Anyway, the new year’s punch was strong, and I guess I was obviously staring at this woman, when she pulled me under the mistletoe. We had a long, passionate kiss I still can’t forget! Now I’m back home I can’t think of anything else but her. What should I do? I’m based here and she probably loves Vancouver.

— Dreaming of Her, St. Norbert

Dear Dreaming: You’re many steps away from needing to worry about a future together. The goal right now should be to see this interesting woman again, and have a proper first date. That means finding any excuse to visit B.C. again, and it doesn’t have to be believable.

So, look up some fun things happening in Vancouver in mid-February and then contact this woman you can’t get out of your mind. Find out if she’s free to spend time with you on a February weekend. If she’s up for getting together on Valentine’s Day, even better!

Seriously, the date could be great, or it could be so-so — but you’ll never know unless you go.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography