It’ll pay to walk away from big-day delay

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/01/2025 (560 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Valentine’s Day is coming up and I’ve been wearing a diamond engagement ring since last Feb. 14.

An old boyfriend of mine was at my neighbourhood bar last night and he asked me outright why my new man hadn’t married me yet (my ex had clearly had a few drinks).

I was embarrassed and said quietly, “Because he doesn’t feel the need to rush.”

My ex laughed and said, “I’m so glad to hear that.” I asked him how he could say such a mean thing and he said, “You misunderstand me. I still love you, and want you. I’d ask you again to marry me.” And then he jokingly said, “If you’d say yes, we could do it next week!”

I had to tell him the sad truth that he and I are never going to be together again. He didn’t laugh. He just turned around and left the bar.

If there’s no wedding date set by Feb. 14, I’m thinking of giving the ring back and telling my man to move out of “my” apartment. It’s still in my name. What do you think?

— Forever Engaged, Osborne Village

Dear Forever Engaged: The truth is, neither of these two guys is your true destiny. As soon as you give back the ring, consider getting a sister, cousin or girlfriend to move in with you to carry half the rent. Then you won’t be in a rush to find another man. That’s been your problem so far — hurrying.

It’s time to relax, really enjoy life for a change and then take your time looking for a 100 per cent winner who could become your husband.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our social group of young married couples gets together for indoor and outdoor fun and games on Sunday afternoons at different homes, and there are always lots of little kids running around.

Some of the couples in the group have young babies, including my wife and I. Unfortunately, my wife has to go into another room to breastfeed our little one, due to the fact she’s quite buxom and pretty, which seems to attract a small crowd of male gawkers.

She didn’t notice at first but I did, and I insisted she leave the room. I thought motherhood and an infant might preclude this behaviour, but it’s even worse.

Now she’s angry at being banished because of my “jealousy.” She said today she doesn’t want to have another child with me, because of my insecurity and “shaming“ her for breastfeeding. I certainly did not! What an over-reaction.

I just asked her to stop “revealing herself” with a bunch of people around. She comes from a family of many children, so it’s no big deal to her. I’m an only child.

I really looked forward to starting a family but now I’m wondering if I’m really cut out for fatherhood. I hated the feeling of other men possibly seeing my wife’s breasts. To be honest, I’m also jealous the baby gets so much of her love and attention, and I’m suddenly out in the cold.

— Fretting Father, East Kildonan

Dear Fretting: Some women feel they must be “discreet” in public when feeding their hungry baby, so they try to find an empty room. However, other mothers have no such shyness and don’t see the need to hide away. Your wife was one of these people, until you guilted her.

Now she’s feeling angry and resentful over doing something she feels is natural. This would be a good time for couple’s counselling, with a therapist experienced in parental issues.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography