Best not to mix work and ‘play’ any longer

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This article was published 22/02/2025 (540 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a single middle-aged woman with a mischievous side. I decided to send Valentine’s Day cards to all my favourite old boyfriends for a giggle — just to the “major-league” guys. I love to stir the pot when I’m at work with not enough work to do.

A few of my old loves from a previous long-term office job I had are married now, so I sent their valentines to their workplace with no return address on the red envelopes, and the word “private“ written on the back. It was so much fun. Of course, I knew they could guess it was me so I got a few calls and emails from them.

Unfortunately, the guy I like most now is married. He works here at the new company that employs me.

He’s been off sick, but his assistant spotted the envelope in his mailbox and decided to be helpful and drop it off at his home. That was a big mistake. He phoned to tell me his wife threw the envelope at him, already opened.

She is furious and thinks we’re flirting, but we have not been having an affair. It was just a funny valentine. He’ll be back here in the office in March and I hope and pray my job is safe. How should I handle this?

— Trouble-Maker, Westwood

Dear Trouble-Maker: To lessen the red-envelope impact, let things go quiet for now unless the sick fellow calls you from home about something important.

As a new general rule, you must stop raiding the mostly taken supply of guys in your workplaces. You could easily lose your job, so no more flirting or sending valentines.

Instead, change directions by assessing what interests you have outside of work. The idea is to over-join for the rest of this year. Consider summer and winter league sports, working with a charity, volunteering for our numerous music or cultural festivals, or taking part in some fun and social courses, whether culinary or artistically related.

You’ll meet lots of people with many new interests, and you only need one solid boyfriend at a time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ended up drunk in a cab on the way to my recent ex-girlfriend’s apartment. She wouldn’t let me in and wouldn’t come out, so I guessed her new guy was up there with her, and that made me go nuts with jealousy.

I had just played a gig downtown and had my instrument with me, so I got out and started playing her favourite love song. Still no response at her windows, so I started yelling her name. People’s lights started coming on fast.

Then this old guy came down the street with his dog. He touched my arm and told me there was a police car coming and I should get out of there.

I took off running through a few people’s yards towards the river. I guess my relationship is over. Or is there any hope?

— Not a Quitter, East Kildonan

Dear Not a Quitter: When a lover’s through with you, but you come back drunk trying to impress her with a loud outdoor serenade, everybody’s annoyed. Your ex-girlfriend is upset, the new boyfriend thinks you’re nuts and the neighbours are all staring from their windows. And, as the dog walker said, the cops may be on their way with their own siren blaring to add to the noise.

You could get yourself into serious trouble if you proceed with your antics to try to win your love back.

You need to stop making a fool of yourself by trying to impress the unimpressible. This ex-girlfriend is so finished with you she has moved on to another guy. Talk to a parent, close relative or good friend about your pain and loss, and consider going for some professional counselling to help move on from this relationship.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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