Mom right on moratorium for mortifying monikers

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My youngest brother was supposed to be born on March 31 but didn’t show up until April 1 — April Fool’s Day! So, my parents nicknamed him “Our Little Foolie.”

Foolie is still his at-home nickname, but now he’s 11 and he’s mad about it. So, he’s decided everybody should get a nickname now. He came up with “Stinky” as a nickname for me, because I don’t wear deodorant at home. And “Shorty” is going to be our oldest brother’s nickname, because he’s never going to be over five-foot-six.

Yesterday our mother decreed an end to all nicknames, before Foolie goes into junior high school. I’m mad. I think our parents should let us kids deal with our own name problems! What do you think?

— “Stinky” No More, southern Manitoba

Dear Stinky No More: Your parents should have stopped the nicknames long ago. Kids at school can be mean enough to begin with, but they’re especially nasty when they get wind of a demeaning nickname they can use to torture somebody.

As for Foolie, that’s obviously a baby nickname, and the poor guy shouldn’t carry that name with him a moment longer. That means the whole family should stop using it ASAP.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Today I got another letter from my birth mother. They show up every few years and I save them for my auntie who’s raising me to open and do whatever she wants with them.

My birth mother finds she’s “curious” these days. She wants to come and check out the baby she had when she was 16. Good luck! She gave birth and left me with an aunt and uncle, who had no children. She never once came to see me. Her excuse? She didn’t want the relationship between her aunt and me to be “spoiled.” Whatever made her think that could happen?

My birth mother spent her late teens as a stripper, and her 20s doing “whatever.” My sweetheart of an aunt who raised me, never told me many details. I didn’t want to see the person who gave birth to me, and dumped me. I had a “real” mother in my aunt.

But now my birth mother says she wants to see me, and for me to come to her house. I don’t want to see her, although my priest says she might want to apologize. Should I go see her?

— Bewildered, Winnipeg

Dear Bewildered: If you do decide to go, take along your auntie who is your “real” mother, for emotional protection. This other woman is only your bio-mother in that she gave birth to you.

If a face-to-face visit would be too much for you, consider a phone or online visit with your adoptive mother right beside you, so you can quickly say goodbye if it becomes too uncomfortable an experience.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has taken up smoking cigars, and they stink. As a result of being with him in close quarters, I often smell of stale smoke — just like his clothes and his car reek.

We have an extra room in the basement, now that one of our kids has left. I’d like him to use it as a smoking den. He just shrugs his shoulders when I ask him about it. Does that mean yes or no?

— Both of Us Smelly Now, East Kildonan

Dear Both Smelly: The shrug means “maybe we could give it a try.” So consider this: Way back when, people often gave the smoking “man of the house” an easy chair with a footrest and a smoking jacket, to enjoy in his private little smoking room. Today a smoking room might be in the basement and contain a computer or TV (and possibly some special ventilation?). Would that situation be OK, or would your partner disappear for the whole evening?

If a “smoking den” gets a yes vote, why not try it? It’ll mean you don’t see as much of your husband in the evenings, but these days you’re staying away from him when he’s smoking, anyway.

Some couples make regular plans for a certain time later in the evening, to shower together and then cuddle or get together in a more intimate way. Then, everybody’s happy with the evening.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.