Take the leap, stop languishing in limbo with ex-love

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just moved back to my hometown in Manitoba after years away in Alberta. I’m recently divorced from the guy I married after I hitchhiked to Calgary in my early 20s with my girlfriends. He is the father of my child by an accidental pregnancy. He was a sweet guy and a good dad, but he was never the true love of my life.

I’ve never really lost my feelings for my first love — a guy who still lives in my hometown who is now divorced.

Finally, in my 40s, my marriage broke up and I came home to Manitoba with my teenage son planning to look for a job in Winnipeg, but a great one fell into my lap in my hometown — and I decided to take it.

I went to a baseball game a week later with my brother and his wife, and guess who was in the stands? My old love with one of his boys. His other son was out on the baseball diamond, pitching.

He came over and said, “Great to see you again. I heard you’d moved home.” My heart started pounding. Then I saw his eyes drop to my bare hand and I saw a look in his eyes I couldn’t decipher.

Now what? I’m going crazy. I’ve been waiting to hear from him since that evening, but he hasn’t called me. I don’t think he has a girlfriend right now, at least not one anyone knows of.

Should I call him? I really hurt him years ago, but he’s been married and divorced since.

— Tempted, But Scared, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Tempted: It’s definitely your move. You rejected this man, moved provinces, married somebody else and had a child. That’s a barrel full of hurt and rejection. How else is this old love supposed to know you now think he is very interesting?

It’s up to you to confess that you would like to see how things might go now. So why not ask to go for a drive in the country where you have no one hovering over you? It might go surprisingly well.

But if he tells you he doesn’t feel the same way anymore, let him go, and just be a good friend. That’s a valuable thing in a town of any size.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I rented a cabin at my favourite fishing lake for a month and my younger fiancée, who is 34, tells me she’s shocked because I didn’t discuss it with her first.

She tells me she would have nixed my plans, and now says she’s not sure she wants to marry a guy who doesn’t consider his partner’s feelings and opinions. Wow!

I’m a divorced man in my 40s. My ex-wife liked my decisiveness and loved to be surprised with plans I would make for us to take trips or attend events. What’s the matter with my new mate?

— Turning Off, North Tuxedo

Dear Turning Off: It’s lucky for both of you this came up now. You don’t seem like a compatible pair when it comes to making decisions and tastes in activities.

Consider saying a polite “adios,” and free this woman to find a different kind of guy.

Consider it a good thing this has happened well before summer. You still have lots of time to invite fishing buddies to join you.

It’s likely they’ll happily chip in for rental fees and food, drink and boat costs, and you might just meet a different woman while you’re out there.

Could be a great summer after all!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.