What’s to lose by following growing sons home?

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I panicked and left rural Manitoba in my late teens, chasing my 18-year-old girlfriend to Toronto who had managed to get an entry-level banking job, thanks to her aunt there.

She took me into her tiny bachelor suite to live with her, and we celebrated the end to our mutual loneliness by carelessly getting pregnant. We got married quickly and had two sons — one 11 months after the other.

These days, our two ungrateful brats have now both graduated high school and just announced they’re going to live with my parents in Manitoba to work on my dad’s farm for the summer — or longer, if he’ll agree.

Farmers? That’s a laugh. They’re a pair of spoiled city kids who like to sleep in, but who can blame them for finagling these sweet summer gigs? My parents are a lot of fun and the boys have already stayed with them a month every summer as they grew up. Now, they have real muscles to pitch in with.

I also think it’s good for the boys to watch and learn from an older couple like their grandparents, who still love each other so much. But now I’m starting to feel lonely and panicky at the thought of losing these guys.

My wife and I still don’t have really close friends in Toronto, even after all these years. She would like to move back home where she claims there would be a feeling of warm community.

I just heard about a small branch of my employer locating in a bigger town near where my dad’s farm is, and it’s looking for new management. I’m actually wondering if I might want to go back to the area permanently, with my wife.

Am I a fool to chase a job near my old home?

— Secretly Lonely, Southern Ontario

Dear Secretly Lonely: Since you’re tired of the eastern adventure and don’t have many close friends there, why not come home to Manitoba? If you can get a new job, there’s nothing stopping you, except fear of the unknown.

It will be guaranteed to be interesting and a great way for you and your wife to get acquainted with people again — especially if both of you can get jobs where you can be more social.

As for missing your boys, there’s nothing wrong with living closer to them and also nearer to your own parents as they get older. In fact, a lot could be right about the whole situation if you’re after more warmth, caring neighbours and closer family love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter works evenings and is home during the daytime, spending most days beside our pool when it’s sunny. The muscle-bound young guy who lives a few doors down works six nights a week and has taken a fancy to my bikini-clad 18-year-old. I am a widower and I need some advice.

This young guy has been coming by our house in the back to see my girl when she’s out tanning or swimming. She says she drops hints but has trouble getting rid of him on her own.

I don’t know how much I actually believe her. This guy has his different moves — some days he just comes over and joins her when she plays with my dog, and acts entirely innocent.

People are talking now, for sure. What can I do about this?

— Ready to Give Romeo the Boot, West Kildonan

Dear Ready: Give this unwanted pool visitor a fuzzy warning — a soft-ish one, rather than explicitly accusatory. You might consider this: “Some people around here think you’re chasing my daughter when I’m not home, and she’s a little worried about her reputation with the gossips around here. That means you’re going to have to stop coming over to visit when I’m not here, but you can always drop in and say hello when I’m around.”

He might take a greater interest in walks with her after that — unless your vehicle isn’t around. It’s tricky being a single parent.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.