Do some homework to get on similar sexual page

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My live-in girlfriend bought me a book on different ways to have sex. What’s wrong with the usual moves? I love sex any old way — or even just in my favourite way all the time!

She says she wants more “novelty.” After a few minutes, I just want to get on with the main event.

For her birthday gift to me two weeks ago, she gave me the book filled with new ways to “make love.” She gets a laugh out of reading the instructions out loud, before we troop upstairs to bed together, like I’m her sex student. That doesn’t work with me — it just turns me off. I’m so sick of this situation.

I did feel “passionate” about my girlfriend before she became the self-appointed sex instructor. How can I change this?

— Losing Gas, St. James

Dear Losing Gas: Hit the online book stores for your own sexual instruction books. When they arrive, check them out first, and encourage your girlfriend to pick from the situations that look interesting to you. In fairness, she should agree to some, but it’s highly likely she’ll reject your suggestions, because she still wants to be the sex professor.

Best situation possible? You’ll share a few experiments that actually interest you both, laugh about the others and be happy again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is away at the lake with the kids for the summer, and I’m at home working from a table beside our big old swimming pool. But I’ve got a problem brewing now.

On a very hot day recently, my new neighbour and her teenage son — new to Canada — rang the doorbell and asked me if they might take a quick dip in my pool, as their air-conditioning unit was broken. The mom said it was sweltering in their house.

I felt very awkward, but politely said OK — how Canadian of me!

Of course, I went out to the pool with them — and surprise! She was an amazing swimmer — a real athlete. She did a bunch of laps, and had races with her son. That was just the first day.

My wife was mad when I told her I’ve been letting the mom and kid use our pool, as it’s been so hot. She says there’s “no need for that nonsense.” Hey, there was no “need” for her to go away for two whole months and leave me alone to work either! But she’s a teacher, and says she deserves the break from the city.

My question? Is it fair to tell this neighbour she can’t come and swim with her kid anymore? My wife is insisting, but I’m not using the pool except before bed time, and these neighbours are no trouble.

— Innocent Situation, Windsor Park

Dear Innocent Situation: How would you feel if you were at the lake with your kids and an athletic man and his son were coming over to use the pool in your yard, and just your wife was at home?

This neighbour may be quite innocent, but she has a fair amount of nerve, and is taking advantage of the situation while your wife and kids are away. As a woman, she has to know your wife probably may not be happy the situation.

You want to keep your marriage on track? The athletic neighbour will have to start taking her son to a local public swimming pool or nearby beach. The present situation is not going to fly for long with your mate, and it could mean serious trouble for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.