Lover intimidated by learning gets failing grade

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend is a funny guy and has me in stitches all the time. But what doesn’t make me smile is the fact he has clumsy moves, sexually. When the sex doesn’t work out, things feel like they’re wearing pretty thin with him.

How do you teach a man things he should know already? I finally tried to teach him some moves I’d experienced with previous boyfriends, but he just looked at me with disgust and said, “Who taught you that?”

Do we even have a chance? I’m almost ready to give up on him, but he’s such a decent man, otherwise.

— Wearing Thin, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Wearing Thin: “Decent man” man is faint praise on a scale for who’d make great long-term-relationship material. Plus, you don’t have a chance at a successful sexual relationship with a guy who tries to shame you when you know a sexual move he doesn’t.

Shame on him for being rude enough to ask who taught you that technique! A good lover would know it’d be to his advantage to smile and happily let you proceed.

Even telling a lover, “I learned this in a book” (whether it’s true or not) is a humorous cue to wait for something new and scintillating to happen between you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad died recently, and our family is crumbling apart. Why? Because my father’s affair has come to light, and my mom’s anger is so bitter now. Until he died and everybody else found out, it wasn’t so embarrassing for Mom. She’d known for years.

I don’t know how to deal with her. As much as she loved him, she hated him for betraying her! I was his favourite daughter, so she spits her venom at me. If it gets any worse, I’m going to have to cut her out of my life forever. What do you suggest?

— Extremely Upset, Winnipeg

Dear Extremely Upset: You need a strong counselling “referee” of your choosing to talk with the two of you. You also need to go alone for a session or two first to get your side of the story out.

On a later date, attend a session with your mom. Hopefully the counsellor can help her see you are not to blame for the loss of love in the marriage. She also needs to get through to your mother that you need kindness from her, and not to be treated as a hated enemy anymore.

She needs to feel her grief is understood, but her venom is sorely misguided.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I broke up and she wouldn’t take my calls and ignored my emails, so I put a letter in her house’s mailbox and she returned it to my mailbox. I have followed her a few times now and know where she’s going, but I haven’t called out to her. Now what can I do?

— Ignored For No Reason, Elmwood

Dear Ignored: Stop harassing this ex-girlfriend before she gets the police involved! You know for sure she doesn’t want anything more to do with you, so from now on it’s just plain harassment.

Harassment is definitely against the law, so end this behaviour immediately and move on. You may want to seek some counselling to help you get over her and avoid veering into criminal behaviour.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.