Halloween get-up can be as racy as you want it to be

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got an invitation to what’s billed as a “Halloween Costume Party for Adults.” I don’t really understand what that means.

Since my girlfriend and I broke up, I’ll be going on my own, and I don’t know what’s expected of me costume-wise — and possibly sexually — at this bash. I want to make a good impression and maybe meet somebody hot, but I really don’t know if this is meant to be a sort of “key party” or if will just be more about risqué and revealing costumes.

The woman throwing this party wrote “Singles very welcome” on the invitation to me, along with her phone number. Obviously, she knows my new status. What should I do?

– Nervous, But Attending, Osborne Village

Dear Nervous: Arrive “calm, cool and collected” at this party, by deciding ahead of time you’ll call a cab or ride-sharing service the minute you feel too uncomfortable and don’t want to be there anymore.

Your host is definitely hinting she wants “adults-only” costumes at her soirée. So study up online on and find an appropriate costume that’s as provocative or revealing as you’re comfortable with. Don’t feel you have to go full-on X-rated.

Hot tip: Costumes involving masks and headgear are simpler than ones requiring a lot of body paint and makeup. The added advantage? You’re more likely to get kissed if you aren’t going to smear facial or body makeup onto someone else’s fancy costume.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m embarrassingly grateful when my wife is nice to me, and down-on-my-knees thankful when she allows me to try to make love to her.

Yesterday we had another fight and I asked her why she even married me. She said, “Because you were so handsome, but I didn’t know at that point that you’d be so useless!”

I do own a business and make a lot of money, which she likes. She means “useless” around the house and yard, and as a sex partner. I must admit I’ve lost the desire and capability to have sex with her now. On the other hand, she never did like sex the way I’m comfortable with. Why? she wants to be the boss in all things, including romance. She thinks she’s some kind of dominatrix.

Why do I stay with her? Because she has made me believe I’ll never be able to get anybody else.

Plus, she knows I’ve had a terrible fear of being alone at home since I was a child. My parents used to leave me in our big house with only a housekeeper who was cold and nasty to me, while they travelled extensively. Please advise me.

– Trapped and Helpless, Winnipeg

 

Dear Trapped: You have a lot to gain by getting emotional and psychological help, and freeing yourself from this sad situation and your wife’s cruelty. She clearly stays for the money, and she seems to enjoy being mean and tearing you down.

You should also be aware that people who might like to befriend or date you are keeping a distance because of your cruel wife.

Sometimes a person who’s bound to an abuser needs to go and find help, without openly declaring the move to their mate. You have the money to do this and getting help at any price is a gift you really need to give yourself.

Medical doctors can refer patients to psychiatrists whose services are covered by provincial health care. Psychiatrists can also prescribe medication, when needed. However, there are often waiting lists to get in to see them.

Psychologists are more accessible, but can’t prescribe. Since you can set up appointments with them yourself, you might want to start immediately on the path to becoming emotionally strong enough to finally leave demeaning partnership.

Once you start loving and respecting yourself, you’ll find you’re naturally attracted to a more loving type of person, because you’ll know you deserve better.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.