Passion didn’t seem to flicker, so best move on

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a surprise message on my phone recently. An amused male voice said, “I’m the guy you told five years ago at work not to call you unless I was free, and now I am. Would you like to meet me for a drink?” Of course I went. This guy was a doll and a lot of fun, but engaged when I used to work with him.

On the date, he was just as much fun as I remembered. We didn’t talk much about his engagement or what happened after. We had a great evening at dinner, though no kisses afterward, but I really looked forward to another date.

Now, there’s just dead silence. Do you think I was just part of this ex-married man’s list of women to call once he was single? Should I just accept this silence as my answer? Should I call him?

— Discouraged, River Heights

Dear Discouraged: It was just one date and there was no clear signal of affection from him. That means this has turned out to be just friendship on his side.

Maybe he’s already met a woman on his list that he’s crazy about, or maybe he’s gone back to his wife. Or perhaps he’s just twiddling his thumbs — all talk and no action.

Lose his number and move on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a conservative guy, but with dramatic taste in my women. My girlfriend is theatrical and Halloween is her big chance to transform our house and improvise something between us.

This year I want to add something to what she’s planning for us, so I bought a fantastic vampire costume online, though I’m not the best actor. What else can I do to make this a night to remember?

— Vampire-in-Training, St. James

Dear Vampire: You really don’t have to be a professional actor to make this a great time — it’s more down to enthusiasm and passion.

So find or invent some vampire-themed drinks and fun snacks, as well as decorations and lighting to set an appropriately moody/romantic vibe.

Also, make sure to snap some great images of you both posing with your costumes and props. Try to capture a passionate clinch you can save for just yourselves.

Next year, you might want to feature some of your photos as part of the decorations for a Halloween party with guests. This event could grow.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband, who is very passionate when we’re at our cabin, turns into a cold fish when he’s back in town. I asked him why that happens and he said, “I’m turned on by the sound of the water. It reminds me of my Caribbean adventures.”

I never went to the Caribbean with him, but I now know who he’s fantasizing about when he’s at the lake — his former girlfriend.

How do we resolve this mutual turnoff? Silence is certainly not working.

— Insulted and Hurting, West KiIdonan

Dear Hurting: There are reasons your husband is no longer with the earlier woman who enjoyed the Caribbean with him. Those reasons need to be brought out clearly.

Consider this possibility: It may actually just be the sound of the lake water that’s a turn-on for him now, and it’s really not about her anymore.

If you can get past his ex in your mind, then you and your man could change the situation at home and at your cottage by combining Caribbean music and your present love for each other.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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