Hedge your bets on family plans for summer

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/04/2021 (1994 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s been a long, horrible, pent-up winter, in my opinion.

I can’t wait to rent a cabin at a lake we love, where we have lots of friends. The children are dying to go, too, and see all their lake buddies. But, my cautious wife won’t agree to a plan this year. We need to rent now, or there’ll be nothing left.

She’s nervous about our not having had the vaccines yet, and about the variants arriving that are so contagious.

We had a fight about this last night and I ended up saying I would put up the damn down-payment money to rent a place — even if we had to stay home in the end!

That made her cry harder. “The kids would be heartbroken if we had a cabin and couldn’t go in the end, and everybody would blame me — for protecting them!” What do you think, Miss L.?

— Torn, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: Take this fight underground, rather than playing it out in front of the kids. Pay the down-payment quietly, and leave it. Then see how things play out with vaccines.

If it’s going to end up being safe, you pay the rest, the kids are informed and everybody’s happy. If not, the owner can quickly re-rent it this year.

If the cabin’s out, go camping as a family several times to places without a mob of people. Kids are adaptable as long as the leaders of the group — you and your wife — get into a happy space and make those holidays fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 18 and sleep in the basement of my parents’ old ‘50s-style bungalow. I took off the storm window this spring and the inside window comes up and hooks to the ceiling. My skinny girlfriend knocks, and can slip in the old-fashioned window to be with me. We love it. We thought nobody knew.

The other night my dad and I were the only ones home for dinner. Dad barbecued and we ate outside on deck chairs.

My dad seemed uneasy. He had a few beers, and actually gave me one, too. Suddenly he glanced over at my basement window, looked at me, and said, “What happens if she gets pregnant?”

I said, “What do you mean?“ and he said, “Don’t mess with me, son. I take care of the yard, and I see her tracks to the window.”

I didn’t know what to say except, “We’re being careful!” I use condoms each and every time and I buy good quality ones. Never took a chance, not even once!

— Feeling Wrongly Accused, Winnipeg

Dear Wrongly Accused: Don’t be mad at your dad who’s a loving man. He didn’t shame you, call you names or forbid you to stop having your lady over. He just inquired about your safety, as a young sexually-active couple.

You need to know this important fact: high-quality condoms can still break or slip off, and you’re left without any protection at all. Your girlfriend may have a regular cycle, but it isn’t necessarily regular every single month.

Your girlfriend needs protection from her side, too — and there are several choices. To find out and make a good choice for herself, she could contact the Women’s Health Clinic (womenshealthclinic.org) where she can speak to someone who will explain all her options and help her make a decision.

As for your dad’s worrying, tap him on the shoulder and say “Thanks for talking to me the other night by the barbecue. We’re taking care of this, in several ways.” Now, get on that project ASAP.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I liked what you had to say in answer to Negative Nancy about the difference between her and her husband’s idea of the number of children they should have.

Taking each child as it comes is such a good idea. We’d had ideas of about having five children, so we had two and adopted one, who died early. Then, after a couple of miscarriages, we thought we’d still try for a couple more.

Well, by the time we had the first one — after those losses — I soon realized that three was probably going to be the number I could handle.

Taking on each child as it comes along and waiting about two years to enjoy that one, you know deep within your being whether or not you can spread yourself further. Sometimes the answer will be a definite “yes!” and sometimes “not sure, but willing to chance it,” and sometimes a definite “no.”

Whatever number you are meant to have will probably become evident.

— Happy With Our Decision, St. Andrews

Dear Happy: And then there are the surprises, for people who decided to stop having more babies, but weren’t so committed that they totally worked to prevent it.

These last kids — the surprises — were just as loved, and often carried around by the older kids.

My baby brother Billy was born when I was eight. When he was little, I was allowed to take him downtown in his stroller in our town of Manitou and show him off! I was very proud.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.