Mr. De Niro! Bobby… spare a minute?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/01/2016 (3893 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

In the past six months, Robert De Niro has shown up in no less than four movies — Joy, The Intern, the direct-to-DVD Heist, and Dirty Grandpa, raising the question: What’s up with Robert De Niro?

One respects an actor who likes to work. But you can’t help but be distressed with the way the legendary thespian is taking roles that are beneath him. How badly does he need the money? Is he planning on supporting generations of De Niros into the next millennium?

The year 2013 was an especially annus horribilis for him, when he sullied his Raging Bull legacy with the boxing comedy Grudge Match (2013), squandered his mob movie cachet in the baffling crime comedy The Family and misspent his elder gravitas in the geriatric comedy Last Vegas.

Dirty Grandpa most closely resembles that latter comedy, with the bawdy humour amped up, evidently in an effort to appeal to undiscriminating kids.

De Niro plays Dick Kelly (yes, there will be dick jokes), a 72-year-old retiree who has just lost his wife to cancer.

He appeals to his lawyer grandson Jason (Zac Efron) to drive him to Boca Raton to see an old army buddy, just seven days before Jason’s wedding to bitchy, self-centred fellow lawyer Meredith (Julianne Hough).

Once they’re on the road together, however, Dick’s true intentions are revealed. The two hit Daytona Beach smack in the middle of spring break. Dick tells Jason what he really wants is to have sex after a 15-year period of forced abstinence due to his late wife’s illness.

As luck would have it, Dick meets a likely romantic conquest in Lenore (Aubrey Plaza), a slutty party girl with no apparent prejudice towards the elderly. (After enjoying her work on Parks and Recreation, I’m a little broken-hearted to describe an Aubrey Plaza character thusly.)

And how’s this for a coincidence? Lenore is travelling with Shadia (Zoey Deutch), a young woman who stirred Jason’s libido when they studied photography together at university, back when Jason wanted to be a photographer and not a square, uptight, thoroughly-whipped corporate drone.

A word on Shadia: If you’ve seen Saturday Night Live’s Cecily Strong do her “One-Dimensional Female Character in a Male-Driven Comedy” on Weekend Update, you know exactly what to expect here. Alas, Strong has failed to shame that character out of existence. Exhibit A: attractive, non-threatening, blandly accommodating Shadia.

Dan Mazer is credited as the director but this is a movie that tends to negate the term “credit.” And the script is by one John Phillips, but this is a movie that was not so much written as “rote.” There is not a single plot point you can’t see coming a mile away.

The only real surprise is the depths De Niro is willing to sink to here. Masturbating to porn? Check. Sex scene with a 41-years-younger actress? Check. Rapping? Check. Dick jokes? Check, check, check.

One of the things Dirty Grandpa has in common with The Intern and Last Vegas is that De Niro plays a character who imparts his elder wisdom on young people in need of guidance.

At this late stage of his career, one can’t help feel the star of Taxi Driver, The Godfather Part II, Raging Bull and Goodfellas could use a little guidance himself.

randall.king@freepress.mb.ca