Snappy answers to stupid questions

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/10/2014 (4325 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Judy Wasylycia-Leis wouldn’t survive long as Winnipeg’s mayor if she follows through on a plan to emulate Ned Stark from Game Of Thrones.

In the George R.R. Martin novel and HBO series, Stark is an honourable and decent human whose naiveté leads him to quite literally lose his head. Given a choice of three leaders to emulate from the fictional land of Westeros — including the sadistic Joffrey Baratheon or vengeful Danerys Targaryen — Wasylycia-Leis decided, or guessed, she was better off as Ned.

This and other oddities were provoked by a series of pop-culture, lifestyle and personal questions posed to Winnipeg’s four leading mayoral candidates, based on the most recent polls.

The responses to the questions don’t just reveal whether the mayoral wannabes live in a bubble, they serve as a sort of Rorschach inkblot, as the answers are less important than the way the candidates go about responding.

Keep that in mind as you peruse the following stupid questions for smart candidates, updated for the 2014 Winnipeg mayoral race.

 

WHERE WOULD YOU EXPECT TO FIND AN ARIANA GRANDE?

Brian Bowman: I’ll say France or Italy?

Robert-Falcon Ouellette: In Italy?

Gord Steeves: Rome.

Judy Wasylycia-Leis: Oh, in the movies.

 

WHAT EMOTION DOES PHARRELL WILLIAMS OFFER AS AN EXPLANATION FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR?

Bowman: Can I call a friend?

Ouellette: He’s vaguely crazy?

Steeves: Happy.

Wasylycia-Leis: Joy.

 

WHICH GAMES OF THRONES CHARACTER WOULD YOU EMULATE IN TERMS OF LEADERSHIP — JOFFREY BARATHEON, DAENERYS TARGARYEN OR NED STARK?

Bowman: None of the above.

Ouellette: None of them. I have no idea who the hell they are.

Steeves: Pass.

Wasylycia-Leis: Ned Stark.

 

PLEASE NAME THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY.

Bowman: Mary Agnes, Bartley, Aldo and Paul.

Ouellette: It’s a Marvel thing, but I’ve never seen it, ’cause I like the X-Men.

Steeves: Holy crow, these are hard. Is it Stormtroopers?

Wasylycia-Leis: It’s a movie I saw with my son, Nick. They’re all the Marvels. There’s Superman and Batman and Spider-Man and… I forget the rest.

 

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?

Bowman: I’d say Winnipeg Now, by two local artists whose names are escaping me right now.

Ouellette: It’s in French. L’adoption Coutumiere au Canada, or “customary adoption in Canada.” It’s by a French guy, a prof at the University of Ottawa.

Steeves: The Last White Tiger.

Wasylycia-Leis: The one I’m reading right now, I forget the author. It’s Guns, Germs, and Steel.

WHAT WAS THE LAST PLAY YOU SAW IN WINNIPEG?

Bowman: It would have been a children’s play at the children’s theatre, at The Forks.

Ouellette: That thing at St. Boniface. “In the path of Louis Riel,” is what it was translated.

Steeves: It’s been a while. A play called (Of) The Fields, Lately. That was a long time ago.

Wasylycia-Leis: Hirsch, at the (RMTC) Warehouse.

 

WHAT DOES “MEAT SHOULDER” MEAN?

Bowman: It’s either a butcher term or it has something to do with rugby.

Ouellette: I have no idea.

Steeves: I believe what it might mean is the old putting the salami on a shoulder at a social.

Wasylycia-Leis: It means if you’re riding a bike, beware.

 

WHAT’S THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HONEY DILL SAUCE?

Bowman: For chicken fingers. That’s what I think of when I think of honey dill sauce.

Ouellette: It’s hopefully spicy and keeps your girlfriend away from you?

Steeves: It has become the staple sauce of the appetizer generation.

Wasylycia-Leis: For chicken nuggets.

 

PLEASE SPELL (THE NAME OF BLUE BOMBERS PLACEKICKER) “LIRIM HAJRULLAHU.”

Bowman (laughs): L-Y-U-R-M and what was the last part? H-A-L-A-R-A-H… oh, I’ve completely butchered this. My Grade 1 spelling teacher would be very disappointed.

Ouellette (laughs): L-Y-R-A, M-A… rahu? R-A-H-A-O-W?

Steeves: L-Y-R-U-M, H-A-R-A-L-A-H-U

Wasylycia-Leis (laughs): L-Y-R-U-M and what’s the other one? It’s probably a J, like Javier is a J. J-H-A-R-U-L-D-O.

 

WHY ARE THE WINNIPEG BLUE BOMBERS CURSED?

Bowman: I don’t think they’re cursed. I think they’re rebuilding.

Ouellette: That’s a good question. I have no idea.

Steeves: Can’t find the right match at quarterback.

Wasylycia-Leis (laughs): They’re not! It’s like politics. You win some, you lose some.

 

WHAT DO THE JETS NEED TO DO IN ORDER TO MAKE THE NHL PLAYOFFS?

Bowman: Let Scheifele be Scheifele and let Trouba be Trouba. They need to just keep growing. They’re a young team. I think they are going to make the playoffs this year.

Ouellette: Voodoo.

Steeves: They need a character player who can score. Somebody like Justin Williams, maybe, for L.A. A guy who has a hard nose and can score 30 goals a season.

Wasylycia-Leis: Use… what’s my favourite player? What’s his name? Scheifele? He’s from near where I grew up, Elmira, Ont. Use him more. Give him more plays. Give him more ice time.

 

WHO’S ON THE PST LINE THIS YEAR?

Bowman: Slater. Is Trouba on that line? You’re not going to answer these for me, are you?

Ouellette: Brian Pallister, Jon Gerrard and Greg Selinger.

Steeves: Perreault, Slater and… Tangradi is gone. Is it Thorburn?

Wasylycia-Leis: I’m trying hard to figure out what you mean.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A BUS?

Bowman: To our transit announcement at Osborne. So that would have been probably about a month ago.

Ouellette: Four years ago. It takes an hour and six minutes to get from my house to the university, so looking at economics, when I can take my car in 10 minutes, I’ll take my car.

Steeves: Springtime of this year. It’s pretty intermittent.

Wasylycia-Leis: To the FIFA world soccer game, in Winnipeg. Two months ago.

 

HOW MANY CARS DO YOU OWN AND WHAT ARE THEY?

Bowman: My wife and I have two cars. I drive a Honda Ridgeline and she drives an Odyssey van.

Ouellette: Two cars. A Ford Freestar for the kids — so a van, with seven passengers — and a Toyota Echo for me to get around. Cheap on gas, 2001.

Steeves: Our family owns three cars: two Buicks and a minivan, a Ford.

Wasylycia-Leis: I drive a little blue Toyota Yaris and Ron has a Toyota, sort of like a… it’s not a van. It’s sort of a brownish thing where you open the door this way (gestures horizontally) instead of up.

 

WHAT IS THE ASSESSED VALUE OF YOUR HOME?

Bowman: It’s probably just under $300,000.

Ouellette: $434,000.

Steeves: It’s about $430,000.

Wasylycia-Leis: What did Ron tell me last? About $175,000.

HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE?

Bowman: I met her University College in a political studies class at University of Manitoba 20 years ago. Same class as (CTV reporter) Jeff Keele and (Coun.) Scott Fielding.

Ouellette: In cadets. We were 17 years old. We were out at a summer camp. She’s from Quebec. I was from Calgary. We played in a band together. In Comox, B.C.

Steeves: Met her at high-school reunion.

Wasylycia-Leis: High school. Elmira District Secondary School.

SAY MONEY IS NO OBJECT. WHERE DO YOU SPEND A HOLIDAY AND WHY?

Bowman: Australia. It would be Cairns, so I could go scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef. I like heat.

Ouellette: Somewhere where my kids would be safe, because I have five children, and somewhere I could get someone to help to look after them… so probably Cuba, because I’m sure money would still be an object.

Steeves: I’d like go to Ireland because it’s where my wife is from and I’ve always wanted to go there. But I’d also like to go to Brazil, because I’ve never been to South America.

Wasylycia-Leis: I would like to go back with my husband to Jordan, where I spent a little time, and show him Petra.

WHAT IS THE WORST THING YOU’VE EVER DONE TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

Bowman: Trying to pick a bullet out of a woman’s kneecap. I was on a bus in Mexico. I worked for the Mexican Ministry of Foreign Affairs. The bus was attacked by a paramilitary group and people were shot, including the woman seated behind me.

Ouellette: I’ve been mean with my brother. I made my mother cry. I’ve made my wife cry. Not understanding the limits of an argument and taking it too far.

Steeves: I guess I’ve been in quite a few fist fights and those are never pretty. If it makes anybody feel any better, I’ve had it done to me as well.

Wasylycia-Leis: I made a big mistake with the former MLA and (Progressive) Conservative minister who became a citizenship judge (Harold Gilleshammer). Rather than say I think everybody has a legitimate right to a position like that, as long as they have the right credentials, instead I fell for saying, “You’re right, it’s just a patronage job.” That’s the worst thing I ever did.

 

FINALLY, SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ONE OF YOUR FELLOW MAYORAL CANDIDATES?

Bowman: I respect Judy’s decades and decades of public service and I respect her commitment to making our community better.

Ouellette: I think Gord Steeves has been very misunderstood in this campaign and I don’t think he’s been given a fair shake.

Steeves: Judy always seem very positive when I see her. She always presents very positively.

Wasylycia-Leis: Gord Steeves has a clear position and he sticks by it. You know where he stands, and I respect that.

 

bartley.kives@freepress.mb.ca