The shape of patriotism today

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/06/2017 (3350 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Prepare to become extremely excited, kids, because Saturday is Canada Day, the day on which Canadians throughout the True North gather together in patriotic clumps and celebrate their love for this great land by getting sunburned and stuffing their faces with foods shaped to resemble our national emblem.

You probably think I am joking about that last bit, but if you’ve wandered through a grocery store in the run-up to our country’s 150th birthday party, you’ll know that I am deadly serious.

In a sincere and patriotic effort to cash in on Canada’s sesquicentennial celebrations, supermarkets and specialty-food stores are flogging delicious delights shaped like the iconic Canadian maple leaf.

As a crusading journalist, I became aware of this trend the other day when the editor of this newspaper handed me a glossy Safeway/Sobeys flyer, the front of which featured a huge, mouthwatering photograph of a freshly grilled maple-leaf-shaped hamburger patty being slid onto a bun.

He also handed me a box of special edition Canada 150 Birthday Cookies, which are crunchy red maple leafs stuffed with cream-cheese-flavoured icing, which happens to be one of my all-time favourite icings, not that that is an important point.

And when I say he handed me a box of these cookies, I mean the editor literally handed me an empty box. For the record, I am not trying to suggest my editor ate all of the cookies; I am just saying, as an unbiased journalist, it would have been nice to sample one of them so that I could share my impressions with you, the patriotic newspaper readers.

In an effort to become more closely acquainted with the Canadian-themed foodstuffs on the market in advance of Saturday’s historic celebrations, I bravely drove to my local grocery store, where I obtained a box of the frozen maple-leaf-shaped burgers.

Tragically, despite staring at the cookie aisle for at least 45 minutes, I was unable to find a full box of the Canada Birthday Cookies, but based on my years of experience with baked goods, I am going to take a stab in the dark and declare them “most likely delicious.”

I also searched in vain for the Canada 150 Birthday Pizza, which, as you have no doubt already deduced, is a pizza that, through strategic placement of pepperoni and cheese and tomato sauce, is the spitting image of the Canadian flag. Based on staring at a photograph in the flyer, I am confident this pizza should also be run up the flagpole and saluted.

(Just so you know, I read a story about a pasta maker in Toronto who is making maple-leaf-shaped ravioli, a bright red one stuffed with ricotta and spinach, and a white one filled with basil and ricotta. I personally will stick with burgers.)

Before returning home to fire up the grill, I decided to stop in at my local liquor outlet to obtain a suitably patriotic beverage with which to wash down my flag-inspired hamburgers.

Which is when, flushed with pride, I purchased a special 15-can commemorative case of what used to be called Labatt 50 ale, but, in honour of our upcoming 150th birthday, has been rebranded as “Labatt 150.”

“For as long as Canada has been around, Labatt has played a role in our nation’s history. We’ve grown from a single brewery in London, Ontario, into a national brewer with a strong presence in communities across the country,” Todd Allen, vice-president of marketing for Labatt Breweries of Canada, said in a statement. “Labatt 50 is steeped in this heritage — it’s our longest-standing brand and was Canada’s best-selling beer until 1979. It was a natural choice to refresh this iconic brand to celebrate such a monumental occasion for Canadians.”

Yes, isn’t that clever? What with this being our 150th, they stuck a 1 in front of the 50.

Maybe I am an insensitive lout, but when I sampled the 150 ale with my burgers I did not notice a substantial difference in the taste.

Along with the 150, I also felt compelled to pick up a limited edition commemorative bottle of Innis & Gunn 150 Maple and Thistle Rye Ale, brewed specially for the sesquicentennial. According to the label on the container, it was matured in 150 oak barrels for 150 days.

“After maturation, we added two emblematic ingredients: a hint of Canadian maple syrup and some Scottish wild thistle,” the container boasts in a blurb that somehow made me feel proud to live in a country where it’s OK to put maple syrup in beer.

Back home, I was struck with a surreal feeling as I gazed at my grill and watched flames sear char marks on chunks of meat shaped like our iconic maple leaf.

Somehow, I think this is a distinctly Canadian experience. If you lived in the United States and tried to serve your guests barbecued burgers shaped like the American eagle, I am guessing an angry shotgun-toting partygoer from Texas would most likely blow away most of your medically important organs.

It was especially odd when I turned my maple leaf patties into cheeseburgers, because they ceased to resemble our national emblem and began to look more like lumpy crabs hiding underneath bright orange blankets. Still, they tasted just like any frozen burger I have ever had, which is to say: delicious.

I’m not sure love of country is the sole reason these Canadian-themed snacks are being dished up by retailers, but that’s not what’s important.

What’s important is that Saturday, as we celebrate our nation’s 150th birthday (despite the fact Canada barely looks 112), we should remember to place one hand over our hearts, which will be filled with pride.

The other hand we should slap on our swollen bellies, because they’re going to be bursting with something, too.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca