Don we now our ugly apparel

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/12/2018 (2772 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The first time I became aware of the “ugly Christmas sweater” thing was when Colin Firth (as Mark Darcy) turns slowly to face a breathless Renée Zellweger in Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Well, I became aware of it after, once I was able to drag my eyes off Firth’s face.

Anyway. The ugly Christmas sweater thing is still with us and shows no signs of slowing down.

There is one aspect of this trend, however, that I strenuously object to and that is the commercialization of the ugly Christmas sweater phenomenon. It seems like the moment Halloween is over, ugly Christmas sweaters (UCS) pop up on store racks everywhere. They multiply exponentially and peak in a flurry of red and green yarn right about now.

It seems to me that the real charm of a UCS is the accidental nature of its quirk — as if it had been created just for you by a loving grandmother or elderly aunt who had the best of intentions but didn’t quite hit the mark. Or maybe she was hitting the Maker’s Mark.

Going out and purchasing some cheesy mass-produced version feels like a terrible cheat. Admittedly, not everyone has an adorably misguided knitter in their family to provide such yuletide sartorial glory, but that doesn’t mean one has to succumb to off-the-rack. Rise up to the occasion. Make your own UCS. Go for off-your-nut.

All you really need is a base on which to build your creation — any sweater will do, cardigan or pullover, seasonal colours are encouraged. And don’t overlook the awful possibilities that a sweater vest can provide. The absence of sleeves can only add to the esthetic. From there, it’s pretty much a scavenger hunt for the decorative elements that will make your jumper truly, and in the very worst sense of the word, bespoke.

Start simple with every mother’s reliable costume helper — craft felt. Cheap, accessible and easy to work with, craft felt can be had in almost any colour and is easy to draw or write on and cut into any shape you might need. Embellishments can include ribbon, bits of Christmas ornaments and small stuffed toys. One year, I found cloth Christmas panels at a thrift store and used them to embellish fabric bags (in lieu of wrapping paper). Those same panels, rife with Santas, reindeer, trees and bears will give you lots to work with on a sweater.

While you might be tempted to hot-glue everything onto your sweater, I would encourage you to stitch things on, even if you only use a simple running stitch. Stitching things on will help the sweater survive the evening and prevent your glue from re-melting, thus causing your bling to dribble down your front while sipping nog next to a blazing fireplace. Sad.

If you are not a generally creative type (or even if you are), you’ll find lots of tips and great ideas to help you with this endeavour in How to Make Your Own Ugly Christmas Sweaters: 20 Fun & Easy Holiday Projects to Craft and Create, by Nicolette Lafonseca (Racehorse Publishing, $22.99). Lafonseca (find her at archieandtherug.com) will guide you along through the minefield of UCS, helping you to stay on the wrong side of tasteful as you create your own mercifully singular sweater.

Lafonseca provides good, clear instructions with photos to use as guidelines. The techniques are simple and as a side benefit, will teach the stitchery-challenged some good basic sewing skills. She’ll even teach you how to add LED lights to your design. More experienced crafters will find projects that will use their experience (one sweater features tiny hand-knit hats). There are both bold and demure styles for the yuletide reveller.

So I encourage you: Get sewing. Make it your own. Be fearless. Be tasteless. And in the spirit of Tiny Tim (the ukulele player, not the Cratchit): God help us every one.

The following instructions are excerpted from How to Make Your Own Ugly Christmas Sweaters by Nicolette Lafonseca (Racehorse Publishing).

Fill Your Stocking

Have your Christmas stocking and wear it, too! A perfect way to recycle kids’ socks, which can be stuffed with sweets, toys, or gifts to make friends smile.

Remember that feeling of going to bed on Christmas Eve, so excited you couldn’t even begin to imagine sleeping? Eventually you drift off, and the next time you open your eyes you do so tentatively. Is it Christmas yet? A glance at your stocking confirms matters. Strange shapes and bulges protrude from all over it. SANTA HAS BEEN HERE!

The beauty of a Christmas stocking is that you can fill it with anything and those items instantly become fantastic because they were found in a stocking (satsumas, walnuts, coal!). The same goes for these mini-stockings, which are made from cute baby socks for extra smiles. Any type of sweater can be used here.

Materials

Ribbon, embroidery floss or decorative cord

Needle and co-ordinating thread

Baby socks (raid the dollar store!)

Decorative mini pegs and bows

Selection of sweets, candy canes, and/or small toys

Lay your sweater flat on a work surface and determine the placement of your ribbon or embroidery floss so that it looks like it is “strung” from one side of the sweater to the other, as if festooned across the front of an invisible mantelpiece.

Stitch down your ribbon or floss at both ends, leaving it to hang loose in between or, if you prefer things fixed in a specific position, you can stitch it down along the length using a straight running stitch (see note), or with small individual stitches at intervals.

Space your mini socks equally across the front of the sweater, positioning them at an angle with one top “corner” of each sock touching the ribbon garland, as shown, so that they appear to be hanging from a mantelpiece.

Attach the socks to the sweater using a needle and co-ordinating thread, sewing around the outer edge of each one with a straight running stitch, starting at the top corner and catching the ribbon in the first stitch. Remember to leave all the socks open at the top so that they can be filled. Alternatively, if you’re in a hurry, you can attach each sock just by its top two corners, securing with individual stitches and leaving the heel and toe hanging loose.

Decorate the stockings and ribbon garland as you wish. The sweater in the main photograph is embellished with mini metallic pegs at the top of each stocking and decorative bows stitched onto either end of the garland.

For a fun finishing touch, stuff the socks with sweets, candy canes, small toys, or other festive goodies. You’re bound to be the most popular guest at the Christmas party when you start doling out the treats!

Need help with sewing? Running Stitch How To — Basic Sewing from Red Ted Art (youtube.com/watch?v=i1-B01FB56s)

Twitter: @WendyKinginWpg